


Hold On To You

by Stardustalix



Series: Sydney Cullen [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Domestic Violence, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Health Issues, Parent Esme Cullen, Parent-Child Relationship, Protective Carlisle Cullen, Protective Esme Cullen, Slow Build, Suicide, eventually a cullens adopt human story, pregnancy mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:53:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24833395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stardustalix/pseuds/Stardustalix
Summary: Even for vampires, the past doesn't always in the past. When Esme is haunted by memories of her ex-husband, she is put in the path a woman and her daughter also fleeing an abusive home. Can she help them rebuild a normal life and help lay her own ghosts to rest?
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen
Series: Sydney Cullen [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053212
Comments: 40
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

January 2011 

**Esme’s POV**

_'Do Josh and Amanda want any coffee?'_

Before I could second-guess myself, I sent the text to Carlisle and tried not to feel like I was desperate for company. Now that Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were back in Seattle for their spring semester, the house felt too empty. The emptiness meant I was preoccupied with thoughts I’d rather forget. 

My phone buzzed with Carlisle’s reply. _'Do they ever not want coffee?' ;)_

I half-smiled; Carlisle’s favorite nurses never turned down an opportunity for free coffee. I asked him for their orders, though I could guess what they would be. But sometimes humans could be spontaneous and try something different, so it felt rude not to ask. Carlisle’s reply came quickly (the usual orders) and then I was out the door. 

It was misting heavily as I drove into town. Even after a couple of months living here in Olympic Peninsula, the vibrant green of the encroaching forest was still a shocking change from open rolling cornfields of Iowa. 

Locals in Forks said Mocha Motion was better than Starbucks, but having no way to compare, I didn’t know if it was true or not. I made sure to order a simple hot black coffee for Carlisle. It was a handy way to help him fit in and warm up his hands. 

At our last home, Carlisle became known around the hospital for always having a steaming coffee mug around to the point where his coworkers asked if he ever slept. Carlisle had jokingly told them no. 

Immortality would be boring if you didn’t troll the humans. Just a little. 

It didn’t take long to get to the hospital from the coffee shop. I didn’t particularly like the hospital. The combined smell of sickness, blood, and chemicals set my teeth on edge. I supposed it was the same for humans, but not to the same degree. I still found it hard to understand how Carlisle could manage to ignore the smell enough to work. 

Even so, being at the hospital was better than being alone with my thoughts. 

I made her way past the nurses’ station, where I was well known, to the break room. Amanda was showing Josh and Carlisle a video on her phone and they all looked up when I entered.

“Oh my God, yes, the good coffee’s here,” Josh crowed and jumped out of his chair. 

I lifted the drink carrier out of reach. “If you’re not going to say hi to me, I’m going to take yours back,” I mock threatened. 

Josh flashed a smile that made him look rather like Emmett. “Hi, Esme.” 

“Yours barely even counts as coffee,” Amanda said, flicking Josh on the back of his head. “It’s mostly sugar.” She took a grateful sip of her iced latte. “Ah, that hit the spot. Thanks.”

I smiled and shrugged. “Thought you could use the pick-me-up.” 

“At least I’m not drinking it iced,” Josh grumbled.

“Iced coffee is still real coffee. Right, Esme?”

Oh no, I was not going to get in the middle of this one. “I have no opinion.” 

“Esme’s more of a tea person,” Carlisle said, coming up beside me and taking his small mug of black coffee. He put a hand in the small of my back and I leaned into his touch. 

It was true, in a way. I liked having a mug of tea around whenever I worked on my art. There was something about the smell and the warmth radiating from it that was comforting, even if I couldn’t drink it. 

Amanda shrugged. “Fair enough.” She eyed Carlisle speculatively. “And what do you think?” 

“I think…” Carlisle hedged and glanced at Esme from the corner of his eye. “Making coffee is very personal.” 

Josh groaned. “Ugh, that’s a non-answer.” 

“Sorry, it’s the best I’ve got,” Carlisle said, not sounding sorry at all. 

“You two are no fun,” Josh complained. 

“We get enough of petty arguments at home,” I said. It happened less often now that Edward lived separately with Bella. He and Rosalie always butted heads and their arguments could last for days. Though sometimes Emmett and Jasper could really get into it whenever they competed with each other.

“Younger siblings will do that,” Amanda said sagely. She had three younger siblings of her own. “Are Rosalie and Jasper back at school?” 

“Yes, classes started up this week,” Carlisle answered. Rosalie and Jasper were pretending to be his younger half-siblings, while Emmett was a family friend that had been dating Rose since high school.

“What are they studying again?” Amanda asked. 

“Rosalie is studying astronomy and Jasper sociology.” 

“Rose’s boyfriend Emmett is still undeclared,” I added. It was the usual for him. He liked the atmosphere of college but didn't feel the need for degrees. In his mind, he knew what he knew and he didn't need a piece of paper to prove it. He only completed one degree in zoology ten years ago and that was only because Carlisle bet him on it. 

“Ah, so you couldn’t convince them to follow in your footsteps. So much for big brother being an influence,” Josh teased. 

Carlisle shrugged. “It’s not for everyone.” Never mind the fact that Rosalie did actually have a medical degree of her own. “Besides, it’s not always that glamorous. Certainly not when you’re getting puked on.” 

That earned murmured of agreement from Josh and Amanda and for a moment I was on the outside. “Just how often does that happen?” I asked. 

“More times than you want to think about,” Amanda said. She checked her watch and sighed. “I’ve got to get back to the grind. Thanks again for the coffee, Esme.”

“Any time,” I said. 

Just as Amanda was leaving, Dr. Snow appeared in the doorway. He was middle aged and as Emmett would say, looked like he had a stick permanently up his ass. He didn’t acknowledge Carlisle and merely gestured at Josh to follow him. Once Dr. Snow’s back was turned, Josh rolled his eyes. 

“Good luck,” Carlisle told him. 

“Uh-huh,” Josh muttered. 

“Is Dr. Snow still mad at you?” I asked when we were alone. It had been a few weeks ago that Carlisle came home from work irritated and it took a quick hunting trip to get the story out of him. Apparently, Dr. Snow had misdiagnosed someone and didn’t like Carlisle telling him that he had it wrong. It got to the point where Dr. Gerandy, head of the ER department, had to intervene. 

Carlisle nodded. “If he wasn’t so quick to dismiss a patient’s pain, we wouldn’t have this problem. But he’s been here for years and I’m new so what do I know?” He rolled his eyes. Doctors letting their egos get in the way of treating patients was something he had no patience for. 

I rubbed his arm. “Well, let him be mad. You did what’s right for the patient.” 

He put his hand on mine. “I know.” 

There was the sound of footsteps and a new voice came from the doorway. “Dr. Cullen?” It was the new nurse that joined the ER staff a couple of months ago. I’d seen her on previous visits but had never talked to her. She kept to herself and I didn’t blame her. It was hard to establish yourself in new small-town places. The only reason why Carlisle became friendly with Josh and Amanda was because they started hanging around him since he was the youngest doctor and close to their age. Physical age, at least.

“Yes?” 

“Your patient in bed two hasn’t responded to the nebulizer treatment.” 

Carlisle frowned. “Thanks, Sarah. I’ll be there in a moment.” 

I could tell that he was already thinking about the problem when he turned back to me. “Go on. I’ll see you later,” I told him, kissing his cheek. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he said and followed Sarah back out to the ER. 

I didn’t stay in town after leaving hospital, since there was nothing pressing that I needed to do to keep up the human charade. As I was pulling into the garage, I got a text from Rose. 

_'My physics professor is a fucking asshole.'_

I frowned. That was quite a reaction. The semester barely started. _'What happened?'_

The reply bubble on my phone stayed there for several minutes. I could imagine Rose typing a whole rant and then deleting it for a more succinct reply. _'He took one look at me and said, ‘you sure you’re in the right class?’'_

_'Wow. Definite asshole.'_ Unfortunately, Rose had to deal with those kinds of comments from men a lot. They took one look at her and assumed her beauty meant that she was unintelligent and unable to handle “manly” subjects. 

_'How is it 2011 and men are still sexist idiots?'_

I sighed. I don’t have an answer for that. I’d seen a lot of change in my lifetime, but unfortunately, a lot of men were still cut from the same cloth as Ch – 

I cut that thought off. 

Rose texted, _'I will ace this class out of pure spite. Make him regret ever saying that.'_

I expected nothing less. Spite always seemed to fuel Rosalie. It was why she even got a degree in astrophysics the first time. She wanted to show Edward up when he attended medical school again. I texted back, _'I have no doubt you will.'_ Then I headed inside. 

It would still be a few hours until Carlisle got home and I was left with the same dilemma that drove me to the hospital in the first place. I decided to make a cup of tea and head up to my art studio. It had been a while since I had a proper painting session. 

Once I settled into my chair and got out my mixed media sketchbook, I absentmindedly chose gouache colors. I didn’t have anything specific in mind when I started painting. I just let my paintbrush flow and it wasn’t long before I was absorbed.

When I finally really looked at what I was painting, a chill went down my spine. 

It was me on that cliff. 

I tossed aside my paintbrush and sat back in my chair. That had never come up in my art before. “Get ahold of yourself,” I whispered and ripped the page out of my sketchbook. 

I got a new palette and picked out different gouache colors to start over. I kept the color scheme brighter and decided on a general nature scene, hoping that would let me stay away from accidentally painting any other dark memories. 

I managed to get completely absorbed in painting the landscape that I didn’t notice Carlisle had come home until he was wrapping his arms around my shoulders from behind. 

My reaction was instant – I stiffened and broke out of his hold. I upended my chair as I whirled around, growling and falling into a crouch. 

Carlisle stared at me in alarm and raised his hands. “Easy, love. It’s just me.” 

_'What’s wrong with you?'_ I straightened. “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t meet his eyes as I set the chair back up. “I don’t know why I did that.” It hadn’t happened in a very, very long time. Not since my early years as a vampire.

“You were concentrating hard. I startled you,” Carlisle said. He took a slow step forward, as if to not repeat the same mistake. 

I stepped into his embrace and breathed in his scent. Shame bloomed inside me – it really should have been obvious it was him. “How was the rest of your day?” I asked, remembering the patient he left to see. 

Carlisle didn’t answer and I leaned back to see why. His eyes were on the ripped-out sketchbook page and I inwardly cursed. That was something I didn’t want him to see. I crumpled it and threw it in the trash can. 

“Esme,” Carlisle said in a low voice. “Do you need to talk about anything?” 

“No.” It was too quick and too sharp. I knew I wasn’t fooling him. 

He hesitated, then said, “I noticed you’ve seemed…preoccupied lately. 

“It’s nothing.” 

Carlisle sighed. “That wasn’t nothing, Esme.” 

“Just leave it alone, Carlisle,” I snapped and when a flicker of hurt passed over his face, I added much softer, “Please.” 

He watched me for a long minute, and it looked like he was fighting with himself on whether to press the matter. “Okay,” he finally said and left for his office. 

I had gotten what I wanted but it didn’t make me feel any better. There had only been concern in his eyes and that made it worse. I didn’t want to admit to him that everything that happened with my ex-husband was haunting me. I didn’t want to admit to him that his love and devotion didn’t make Charles irrelevant. 

I sighed and started cleaning up my workspace. But washing paintbrushes and putting everything away only ate up so much time and I still wasn’t sure what to say to Carlisle. 

When I stepped through the door that connected my studio to his office, I found him looking over the orchids he kept by the windows. Gardening was one of the many things he picked up in his long life. He said it helped with the loneliness before he finally turned Edward. I wrapped an arm around his waist, and he kissed my hair. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. 

“I’m not mad,” he assured me. “I’m just worried.”

“I know.” I stared at the orchids, still trying to gather my courage and tell him what was going on in my head. 

Carlisle pushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “You’re a thousand miles away.” His fingers trailed down to my chin, gently lifting it so I’d meet his eyes. “Please talk to me, love.” 

My throat tightened and my eyes stung with unshed venom tears. “Something’s wrong with me. I can’t stop thinking about Ch –“ I choked on his name. I hated to say it out loud. “Him.” 

“Esme.” Carlisle pressed his forehead against mine. “It’s okay.” 

“I just –“ My voice broke and I wiped a tear away. “I don’t know why this is happening. I don’t know why I keep remembering the things he did to me. It happened so long ago and I hate that it’s still affecting me.” I kept thinking back over the last few weeks, searching for the trigger, but I couldn’t find it.

“You know, the brain can get hurt like any other organ – “

“Then shouldn’t venom have fixed it?” I interrupted, a frustrated edge to my voice. 

Carlisle shrugged helplessly. “I wish it did.” 

“I know.” I knew that he would give anything to stop people from suffering. 

“Trauma affects the brain in so many ways and I guess it’s beyond what venom can do,” Carlisle continued. He brought me close and kissed me. “You don’t need to be ashamed of struggling. What you went through…it’s not easy to get over.”

I buried my face in Carlisle’s neck. Logically, I knew that I didn’t need to be ashamed, but that didn’t stop me from feeling it. 

“Maybe…you should talk to someone about it,” Carlisle suggested. 

That made my head shoot up and I raised an eyebrow skeptically. “That would be…tricky, to say the least.” It’s not like I hadn’t thought about it before. But the fact that the abuse happened almost a hundred years ago made it difficult to imagine being honest enough for therapy to actually work. 

“You’d only have to talk about the most essential details. But it’s your decision. I only suggested it because I want to help.” 

“I’ll…think about it.” 

Carlisle hugged me close again. “That’s all I ask.” 

The next day I called Rosalie when I knew she had a break between classes. Of all the members of my family, I knew she would understand the most. 

She picked up after one ring. “Don’t tell me you miss me already.” 

I laughed. “All right, then, I don’t miss you.” 

“Liar,” Rosalie said and I could hear the smile in her voice. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been feeling pretty…off lately,” I said and explained what’s been going on. “Carlisle suggested I seek…help and I’m not sure if I should. I wanted to know what you think.” 

I heard the sound of a door opening and closing on her end. “Well,” she said after a moment. “Seeking help would be a lot healthier than what I’ve done in the past.” There were times when Rose’s assault haunted her and she holed up in the garage, furiously working on the cars and not speaking to anyone for days. 

“True, I guess.” 

“If you’re worried about a cover story, it would be easy enough to say your ex was deployed to Afghanistan.” 

Oh. I hadn’t thought of that. Usually, I never came up with a cover story that included my previous marriage. I guess I was overthinking this.

“Esme, do you need me to come back?” Rose asked when I hadn’t said anything for a while. “I don’t really need this degree anyway. I could drop out and stay with you, if that’s what you need.” 

For a moment, I was sorely tempted to take the offer. But something in me balked at accepting. “No, Rose. I’ll be fine.” 

The silence on the other end meant Rose didn’t quite believe me. “I’ll come back this weekend at least and help you scope out a therapist. Or a support group.” 

I smiled, grateful for her offer and the fact she wouldn’t let me do this alone. “Okay. Thank you, Rose.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Sydney’s POV**

“They weren’t kidding about Dr. Cullen. He really is cute.” 

I was only vaguely listening as I followed Angela and Jessica out to our usual spot where we waited for our parents to pick us up from school. Jessica was hobbling along on crutches. It caused a bit of excitement yesterday in gym when sprained her ankle trying to do a back handspring to impress Mike Newton. I thought it was a stupid idea considering she didn’t really know how to do a back handspring and it was on the hard gym floor. 

“Are you saying it’s worth it to go to the hospital to see a cute doctor?” Angela teased. 

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” 

I watched for my mom’s car, leaving them to their conversation. Though they had been kind to me, I still felt awkward around them. It was hard to break into well-established friend groups and it seemed all the kids here had known each other since they were babies. I missed my best friend Katelyn, but I couldn't contact her on the off chance that alerted Dad to where we were. 

I couldn’t help checking my phone even though it was only a couple of minutes after dismissal time. Mom wasn’t exactly late yet. 

“The nurse was cute too. It must be a requirement to work at the hospital,” Jessica said. 

Angela snorted. “Sounds like you’ve been sneak watching _Grey’s Anatomy_ again.” 

“So what if I have? Anyway, have you made plans for – “ 

I checked my phone again. Where was she? I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, worry gnawing at my stomach. Chills went down my spine that had nothing to do with the cold rain we waited in. 

“Sydney?” 

“What?” It came out louder than I intended, and Angela and Jessica looked at me weirdly. I ducked my head, embarrassed. 

“Are you okay?” Angela asked. 

“Fine,” I said with a shrug. I already had a breakdown in front of them once and I didn’t want that to happen again. Nobody wanted to be known as a crybaby. 

“I was thinking of having a sleepover for my birthday soon. Do you want to come?” Angela asked. 

“Um. Okay.” It was the first time somebody invited me to something here. “I’ll ask my mom.” 

Angela smiled. “Cool. I’ll let you know when it’s going to be.” 

My mom’s car pulled up to the curb then and I relaxed a little. “See you guys later,” I said and hurried into the car, slinging my backpack to the floor between my feet. The heat was going full blast and it felt good after waiting out in the rain. 

“Hey, peanut,” Mom said. She waited for me to put on my seatbelt before pulling away.

“Hi.” 

“How was your day?” 

I shrugged. 

“A shrug. Must have been exciting, then.” 

I knew it was supposed to be a tease, but it felt forced. But what was she expecting when I did the same thing at school every day? And I couldn’t tell her I was worried if she would forget to pick me up again.

A couple of weeks ago, Mom didn’t come like usual and I panicked. I probably could have walked but all I could think was I was in a new town, Mom was all I had, and something must have happened to her. Angela and her mom ended up giving me a ride home. It turned out Mom had taken a nap on her day off and overslept. She was sorry and it hadn’t happened again, but it didn’t stop me from worrying. 

Maybe I didn’t have to walk on eggshells at home anymore, but things still weren’t normal. 

“Syd?” 

I sighed and turned down the heat. “Angela said she was going to have a sleepover for her birthday and asked me to come.” 

“Do you want to go? When is it going to be?” Mom asked. 

“Yeah, I guess.” The thought of a sleepover with Angela and Jessica made me homesick for Katelyn. “I don’t know when yet. Angela said she’ll tell me.” 

“I think it’s a good idea for you to go. Spend time with new friends.” She glanced at me. “It wouldn’t hurt to put down some roots here.” 

“But are we going to stay here forever?” The question slipped out before I could think better of it. I tensed, waiting for her answer, and her knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. 

“I don’t know,” Mom finally said. 

The silence felt heavy and I knew we were both thinking about Dad. I watched the rain slide down my window and the trees passing by as we drove up the highway toward Port Angeles. 

“Hey, why don’t we get pizza before this thing starts? And then we can have a movie night when we get home.” Mom smiled, trying to make things lighter again. 

I faked a smile because that’s all we were doing anyway – pretending that we were okay. “Sure, Mom. Sounds great.” 

But pizza and movies couldn’t make what we were going to anything fun. Mom explained that it was a group for women like her, ones that have been hurt by their boyfriends or husbands. 

I didn’t know what happened with Dad was so common. And if it was, I knew one thing for sure: 

I was never going to get married. 

**Esme’s POV**

I sat in my car outside the Port Angeles library trying to work up the nerve to go inside. Rose had been true to her word and came back to help me find this group and come up with a cover backstory. I took Rose’s suggestion of saying Charles was deployed to Afghanistan in 2003. I left him when I was pregnant and gave birth to my son prematurely. I met Carlisle at hospital where my son died. All of it was true, just repurposed for modern times and leaving out my suicide attempt and subsequent change into a vampire.

Still, it felt strange to have a version of that part of my life up for public consumption. 

Carlisle had offered to come with me, but I decided to go alone. I still couldn’t get rid of the nagging shame over needing help and having a witness would make it worse. 

I checked the time and there was only ten minutes left until it started. I decided that the shame of backing out at the last second would be worse, so I blew out a breath and got out of the car. 

It wasn’t hard finding the community room where it was held and the chatter of voices inside made me pause. The nerves were worse now that I was this close. But being this close, I had no excuse for not following through. 

I heard the two pairs of footsteps coming up behind me, but it still surprised me when a voice asked, “Don’t you just hate being new to these kinds of things?” I turned to find a young woman with dark hair in a messy bun standing next to me, holding the hand of a girl about eleven or twelve. The woman’s anxious blue eyes widened as we recognized each other from the hospital. “Oh.” 

“Yeah.” I wasn’t sure what to say. I hadn’t been counting on seeing anyone I recognized at this meeting and I had half a mind to leave right then. “Sarah, right?” 

Sarah nodded, looking unsure and almost…afraid. I didn’t have time to wonder about that. “Sarah Hayden. You’re Dr. Cullen’s wife?”

“Esme,” I said and held out my hand. It seemed like a weak gesture to make this less awkward. Still, Sarah took it. If she thought my cold skin was strange, she didn’t react. 

“This is my daughter, Sydney,” Sarah said. Sydney looked like a miniature version of her mother, with the same hair and eyes. She seemed embarrassed at being introduced. 

I gave her a smile and she looked away. “To answer your question, yes, I do hate being new to these kinds of things,” I said, turning back to Sarah. 

Sarah glanced at the door and a muscle in her jaw worked as if she was trying to decide something. “I’ll go in if you do?” 

I blinked. I hadn’t expected to find some shred of camaraderie the first time I showed up. “Okay.” 

Together, we walked into the room. 

There were a few other women there, mingling or quietly sipping from steaming mugs among a circle of chairs. A snack table was set off to the side. The room felt slightly tense – it was what happened when everybody knew why they were there but were trying to pretend not to know. I set my purse and jacket on a chair, while Sarah got Sydney situated at a nearby table. I wandered over to the snack table and grabbed a Styrofoam mug to make some tea. Tea was familiar and grounding. At least this way I could pretend I was elsewhere. 

“Excuse me,” a small voice said.

I stepped aside with chagrin, realizing I was blocking the hot water dispenser. “Oh, sorry.” 

It was Sydney. She glanced quickly at me before filling her mug. “It’s fine,” she said in the same tone. She had one earbud in and I could hear Florence + the Machine playing. As Sydney made hot chocolate, I noticed how she kept her shoulders hunched, as if to make herself smaller and beyond notice. 

I recognized that posture. I had once moved like that too. Whatever had happened to Sydney’s mother had also happened to her. 

A weird mix of heartache and anger went through me. It was terrible enough for abuse to happen to anyone, but it seemed worse when it happened to a child. The terrifying thought that my ex-husband would hurt my child was what prompted me to leave. 

Too late, I realized that I was staring. Sydney paused in stirring her hot chocolate and glanced at me from the corner of her eye. I quickly moved away from the table, pretending to take a sip of my tea and hoping that I hadn’t made Sydney uncomfortable. 

When I returned to my seat, the therapist leading the group called it into order. Dr. Sanchez welcomed those new to the group and I gripped my mug of tea a bit harder and shot a side glance to Sarah. It was hard not to feel singled out, even though I was not the only one. Dr. Sanchez continued explaining that nobody was obligated to speak and that we were all here to support each other through the process of leaving abusive relationships. 

With the pressure of sharing off my shoulders, I relaxed back in my seat a bit. I listened to the other women there, all sharing painfully similar stories. It was quite a double-edged sword, finding comfort in knowing that you weren’t the only one but also realizing how common it was. 

I couldn’t help but notice that Sarah didn’t speak either. 

Once the group’s hour was done, I didn’t stay to mingle with the others. Neither did Sarah. She and Sydney followed me out into the parking lot. Our eyes met again when we got to our cars, parked not far from each other. I gave her a tentative wave and she returned it. 

When I arrived back home, I heard Carlisle talking in his study and followed his voice upstairs. He was lounging on the couch in a Rolling Stones t-shirt and pajama pants and seemed to be having an in-depth conversation about philosophy on Face Time with Jasper. He looked up when I came in and waved at me. 

“Is Esme back?” Jasper asked. 

“Yeah, she is.” 

I joined Carlisle on the couch and curled up on his chest. He adjusted his phone so I was in frame. I could see that Jasper was at the kitchen table in the apartment in Seattle he shared with Emmett and Rosalie. “What are you two talking about?” 

“Immanuel Kant’s _Critique of Pure Reason_ ,” Carlisle said. 

“It’s for my philosophy elective. The reading’s rather dense and a lot of it goes – “ Jasper moved his hand over his head and laughed, dimple popping out in his cheek. “I’m just a farm boy.” 

“Oh, please.” Rosalie appeared over Jasper’s shoulder. “Don’t pretend like you’re not the overachiever here.” 

Jasper frowned. “I’m not?” 

“It’s only three weeks into the semester and you’re already doing final assignments.” 

“It’s one final paper and that’s only because that’s the one major assignment for that class. The rest of it’s reading.” 

Rosalie shook her head. “Overachiever!” she called as she left the frame. 

“I have to agree with her. That is an overachiever move,” I said. 

Jasper rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Okay, maybe,” he allowed. “But, seriously, Kant’s sentences are as long as a paragraph and I lose track of what he’s saying halfway through.” 

“It was the writing style back then,” Carlisle said. 

“You would know. You wrote in your journals the same way,” I teased, which made him let out an embarrassed huff.

Jasper smirked. “I am not at all surprised by that.” 

“Did you have to bring up those journals, Esme?” Carlisle complained. I just smiled up at him. He kissed my nose and then nuzzled his face in my hair. I shivered when his breath tickled my ear.

Jasper cleared his throat. “I’ll say good night, then.” The call disconnected. 

“Amazing, we can make him run even over the phone,” Carlisle deadpanned and set his phone on the coffee table. 

“Give him a break. He lives with Rosalie and Emmett.” That was enough to make anyone jumpy around public displays of affection. 

“True.” 

Carlisle looked at me then with a question in his eyes. I sat up with a sigh. “Oh, go ahead and ask.” 

“How was it?” 

I paused, trying to think of how to explain. It seemed like an all right group, but I was too stressed and surprised at seeing a familiar face to say anything. It was a lot to take in for the first time. “Unsure. You may have to ask me that again later.” 

Carlisle nodded. “Fair enough.”

I spied Carlisle’s lab coat draped over his desk chair and that made me think of Sarah again. I still couldn’t understand the look on her face when she first recognized me. Maybe it was only surprise at seeing me, but it felt like more. 

“What are you thinking so hard about now?” Carlisle asked, rubbing my shoulders. 

I hesitated. “I…ran into someone I knew there.” 

That made Carlisle frown in puzzlement. “Who?”

I didn’t know if this was a violation of privacy, but I had already brought it up. Too late to back out now. “Sarah was there.” 

Carlisle’s expression cleared and then he looked sad. He immediately understood the implications. “Oh.” He chewed his lip and sighed before saying, “You know, I wondered if that might be the case.” 

“You did?” 

“There’ve been times where she seemed…” He trailed off, searching for the right word. “Hypervigilant in a way that reminded me of you.” 

I thought about the way Sarah kept to herself at the hospital. Seeing her now at the support group put that in a different context. It wasn’t just that she was new in a small town. She was fleeing a violent home. I knew very well how abuse was isolating and made it hard to trust anyone. But she would need people in her corner to help her through this part of her life, especially when she had a daughter to take care of. “Will you look out for her?” 

Carlisle didn’t look surprised at my request. “Yes, I will,” he promised and squeezed my hand. 

I squeezed back. I would be looking out for her and Sydney too.


	3. Interlude - The Same Old Theme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is pregnancy mentioned in this chapter

**Columbus, Ohio 1920**

After waking from fitful dreams, Esme placed a hand on her growing stomach and felt her baby kick. They seemed as restless as she was, and she wondered if they were having bad dreams too, if babies could even dream in the womb. _Please, please, please be a girl._ She couldn’t bear the thought of another Charles Evenson in the world. 

But almost immediately she was seized with guilt at the thought. If the baby was girl, would that be better? She didn’t doubt that Charles would turn his cruelty towards their daughter, especially for not being the son he so desperately wanted. Besides that, Esme feared having to see her daughter trapped in a marriage like this one with no legal recourse. She intimately knew now how marriage wasn’t a fairytale and how cruel the world could be to women. 

Almost as if he could hear her thoughts, Charles shifted in sleep and flung an arm across her, trapping her. Esme stiffened and her breath became uneven. Her heart pounded so loud in her ears she worried it would wake him. 

Her baby kicked again, and she focused on the movement. She counted her breaths in between the kicks and slowly, she relaxed. As much as she could, anyway.

The next thought seemed to come from outside of her. _You need to get out. You can’t bring this baby into this home._

No, she couldn’t. Boy or girl, if she stayed, the outcome wasn’t something she could live with. She wanted better for her child. 

Esme curled her hands in into fists. She would have better for her child. 

The thought kindled a spark of hope inside her that she long thought disappeared. Esme closed her eyes and quietly began to plan her escape. 

**Spokane, Washington 2010**

Sarah retched into the toilet for what she hoped was the last time. Her head pounded behind her eyes and she cursed her stupidity at going out for drinks last night. Not just because of the hangover, but because of what Mark did to her when she returned home. 

His rage reached a frightening new level that surprised her. It was terrible to say, but over the years, the abuse had almost become banal. 

Last night though… 

Sarah squeezed her eyes shut and flushed the toilet. _Do not think about that._

She closed the toilet lid and gingerly got up so she could sit on it. Her body ached everywhere and even if she wasn’t hungover, she’d have to take a sick day anyway. She rested her elbows on her knees and stared at the floor tile. 

The door was locked even though she was the only one home. Mark was at work and Sydney at school. A sanctuary, a cage. The bathroom had been both to her, though she couldn’t decide which it was now. 

God, she was so tired. So tired of living. 

But she couldn’t think like that. She had Sydney to think about. If she was gone, Sydney would be alone with Mark and she couldn’t let that happen. 

She felt guilty for staying with Mark as long as she has. She couldn’t think too much about what effect it must have on Sydney without being crushed and overwhelmed by that guilt. But she had no family of her own to help and Mark’s family thought she was a lying bitch. It seemed impossible to get out. 

Last night made her realize that she needed to try now. 

Unbidden, the prayer to St. Michael came to her head. 

_St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle…_

_Defend_ me _in battle…_

It would be a battle to leave. Sarah took a deep breath in and straightened. 

It was battle she would willingly fight. For Sydney.


	4. Chapter 3

February 2011 

**Esme’s POV**

A couple of weeks later found me in the hospital again, though this time it wasn’t a desperate attempt to distract myself. I wouldn’t say I was completely fine, but I wasn’t as on edge as I had been. 

I found Amanda scrolling through her phone while eating her lunch in the break room. “Long time, no see,” she joked. 

I shrugged and joined her at the table. “My car’s getting inspected and I didn’t want to lurk around the shop waiting so I thought I’d come bother my husband.” Dowling had a couple other cars to do before mine. It was one of those things I probably could have gotten Rosalie to do, but for the sake of appearing normal, I took it to the shop in town. I knew Dowling had a reputation for overcharging, but it didn’t matter. I could afford it. “Where’s Josh?” I didn’t see him on my way in and he wasn’t there with Amanda like usual. 

“Oh, he has the flu. I’m going to go check on him once my shift’s over because he’s kind of a dumb-dumb when he’s sick.” 

She had a fond look in her eye as she spoke that made me ask slyly, “So when are you going to ask him out?” 

Amanda blushed and shook her head. “Uh, it’s not like that. We’re just friends.” 

I didn’t think that was entirely the case, given the way I had seen the way they’d gravitated toward each other. Oh, well, better let them figure it out. “It’s good he’s got a friend like you,” I said with a smile. “Just be careful you don’t get sick too.” 

“Don’t worry, I’m going armed.” She patted her scrub pockets, which were stuffed with alcohol swabs. “God knows we don’t need anyone else down.” 

I’d heard Carlisle say several of the other nurses and doctors have been out sick. I asked if Sarah had been one of them, though she hadn’t been. “Sounds like it’s been crazy. I know Carlisle’s had to cover extra shifts.” He had the luxury of not worrying about getting sick himself, though there have been times in the past he’s had to fake sick so as to not arouse suspicion. 

It was Amanda’s turn to be sly. “Miss him at home?” 

I didn’t miss the implication behind her words and her smirk. But I wasn’t one to discuss my romantic life in public, so I deadpanned, “Yes, I need him to clean out the garage.” Out in the hall, I heard Carlisle’s distinct footsteps and I knew he heard me.

Amanda snorted. “I guess husbands are good for that.” 

“They are,” I replied innocently. 

Carlisle appeared in the doorway. “What am I good for?” he asked, eyebrows raised in confusion. His eyes were getting too dark since he hadn’t found time to hunt yet in between covering extra shifts. It did help make him look exhausted in a human way, but I knew I’d have to make him go feed soon. 

Amanda snickered. “Garage cleaning,” I said, with a wink to her. 

“Garage cleaning?” 

“Yes.” 

He squinted at me as he pulled up a chair next to mine, trying to figure out if there was some hidden meaning behind my words. “The garage is mostly Rosalie’s domain, so shouldn’t she do it?” he finally asked, leaning over to kiss my cheek. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Amanda busy herself with her phone again. 

“Well, Rose is currently in Seattle, so…” I trailed off meaningfully. 

Carlisle sighed and leaned his head on my shoulder. “If you insist.”

I could feel from the way he leaned on me that he didn’t only appear exhausted. The longer hours were getting to him. I found his hand and threaded my fingers through his. “How’s your day going?”

He shrugged. “It’s going.”

Yes, he definitely needed a break.

Amanda suddenly let out a shriek and dropped her phone onto the table. When she saw our alarmed looks, she said, “Sorry. I was just on Medscape and they bombarded me with an article about an ovarian teratoma that formed teeth.”

Carlisle immediately relaxed with a chuckle, but I frowned. That…did not sound right. “What’s a teratoma?”

“It’s a germ cell tumor that usually forms in the ovaries or testes and can sometimes form hair or teeth,” Carlisle said in a clinical voice as if he wasn’t describing the most disgusting thing I’d heard. I couldn’t help the full body shudder. “Yeah, it’s weird,” he agreed. 

“I am really glad that can’t happen to our bodies,” I whispered low so that Amanda wouldn’t hear. 

Carlisle’s lips twitched holding back a laugh. 

“It’s not just weird, Carlisle. It’s gross,” Amanda declared. 

“Shouldn’t you be used to dealing with gross things by now?”

“ _Teeth_ in an _ovary_. That’s not run-of-the-mill gross. That’s practically something out of a horror movie.” 

“It’s not exactly a xenomorph ripping its way out of a person.”

“A what now?” 

“Haven’t you seen _Alien_? I thought you liked horror.” Carlisle didn’t care for horror at all, but Emmett made him watch _Alien_ when he lost the bet that Emmett wouldn’t complete his zoology degree. 

Amanda let out a long-suffering sigh, as if she expected him to already know what she was going to say. “Ghosts and demons horror, yes. Aliens and slasher horror, no.” 

“Didn’t realize there was a distinction.”

I nudged him. “Subgenres, dear.” 

Carlisle threw up his hands. “I just don’t understand horror!” 

Amanda got up and threw the trash from her lunch away. “It's about confronting what scares us and the catharsis, Carlisle.” She waved at me. 

He wasn’t convinced. “You can get that in other genres, though.” 

“Not like horror does it!” Amanda called as she left. 

Carlisle shook his head and turned his attention back to me. “Did you really want me to clean out the garage?” 

I laughed. “No, that was just a joke.”

“Ah.” He seemed more relieved than that simple response let on. 

I touched his face. “After this shift, you have some days off, right?” 

Carlisle put his hand over mine and kissed my palm. “I do.” 

“We’ll go hunting tonight. You need it,” I said in a low voice even though we were alone. He nodded, his eyes full of tenderness. I knew a part of him still marveled that someone would care enough to notice his needs after so many years alone. 

I spent a few more minutes of his break with him, before Dowling called to say my car was ready. I was just outside the ER doors when I heard footsteps rushing to catch up with me. 

“Esme?” Sarah said breathlessly. “Can I talk to you?” 

“Of course.”

Sarah glanced back at the doors like she was checking if someone was watching. “Look, it’s probably none of my business but…” She looked back again. “Is – is Dr. Cullen the reason why you were at the group?” 

The question came out in a rush and I froze in shock. It was inconceivable to think of Carlisle hurting me. Then again what else was Sarah supposed to think? “No, no he’s not.” I hoped I didn’t sound too defensive. “It was my ex before him.”

“Oh.” Sarah sounded embarrassed, but also relieved. “Now I feel stupid for assuming.”

I shook my head. “Don’t. I didn’t say why I was there. It’s a logical assumption.” I probably should have thought of that. Now it made sense why she seemed afraid when she saw me there. 

“Well, you know what they say when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me,” Sarah muttered. I laughed and she smiled apologetically. “So… are you going back?”

The next meeting was coming up on Thursday and I still hadn’t decided yet, not sure if a group setting was what I needed. But there was a yearning for connection in Sarah’s eyes that made me say, “I will if you do.” 

Sarah seemed surprised but nodded. “See you there, then.” 

She turned to head back inside, but I stopped her. “Let me give you my number.” Sarah took her phone from her scrub pocket and once she put it in, I said, “You can call or text me if you need anything. Someone to talk to or if your daughter needs picked up from school. I know how crazy juggling shifts can get.”

Sarah teared up and turned her head, blinking furiously. “Thank you,” she managed to get out. 

My heart ached for her. I’d been there – where any act of kindness came as a shock and you couldn’t believe people would be willing to do something for you. I touched her shoulder. “It’s not an empty offer. I mean it.”

“Thanks,” Sarah repeated and sighed. “I should get back to work.” 

I nodded and watched her head inside, wondering if she would take my offer. 

Once Carlisle got home in the evening, we immediately went hunting. It didn’t matter how long I’d been a vampire – it was still thrilling to be able to leap the river in our back yard in one bound and race through the trees at a speed I could never reach as a human. It didn’t take long for us to scent a deer herd through the other ambient forest smells. 

I hung back and watched Carlisle make the first kill. He sprung at a stag, efficiently pinning it down and biting its neck with a satisfied growl. It would have been jarring to see him completely freed of the human façade if I hadn’t seen him like this countless times. 

The herd had completely scattered by the time Carlisle drained the stag. He wiped his mouth and said, “Your dinner is getting away.” Already his eyes were brighter, and his demeanor refreshed. 

I swallowed back the venom the pooled in my mouth while watching him feed and approached him. “I’m giving it a head start.” 

“Playing with your food, darling? Emmett’s rubbing off on you,” Carlisle chided. 

“Hush.” I put a finger to his lips and then took off after the rest of the herd. As I took down a deer of my own, I was aware of Carlisle taking a second one. The hot blood soothed the burn in my throat, if only temporarily. 

“Do you need another?” Carlisle asked when I finished. 

I shook my head. I’d already hunted a couple of days ago. “You?”

“I’m good.” His eyes were back to the usual gold and I believed him. 

Once we took care of the carcasses, I asked, “Are you ready to head home?” 

Carlisle took a deep breath. “No. I feel like I’ve been stuck inside too much.” 

I smiled playfully. “Well, in that case…” I climbed the nearest tree, reveling in how easy it was now. Balanced on a branch several feet above Carlisle, I felt a little like the sixteen-year-old that climbed trees and dreamed of bigger things than a small Ohio farm. 

“What are you doing?” Carlisle asked, grinning. 

“Catch me!” I challenged. 

Carlisle laughed and climbed the tree, but I jumped to the one next to it before he could get me. I heard him huff in disbelief and smirked over my shoulder at him. We continued on like this for several minutes, jumping from tree to tree, before Carlisle went back to the ground to run beneath me. 

I finally stopped on a big Sitka spruce and Carlisle did too. I inched my way down the trunk. Even though he didn’t once look up, I knew he was tracking my movements. Once I was close enough, I sprang. Carlisle turned as I landed in front of him and then pushed him against the tree trunk. “Caught you,” I said in a sing-song voice. 

“So you did.” His voice was husky, and he cupped my face in his hands, rubbing his nose against mine. I crushed my lips to his and tangled my hands in his hair, reveling in the fact that I was his and he was mine. 

Later, we wandered up to our favorite spot on Hurricane Ridge, much higher than humans tended to venture. The rain had stopped, and the clouds turned wispy enough to allow glimpses of starlight. It really was beautiful here. 

I snuggled into Carlisle’s side. “Sarah stopped me when I was leaving the hospital today.” 

“She did?” 

I let out a short, embarrassed laugh. “It seems I gave the wrong impression when she saw me at the support group.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“She thought _you_ were the reason I was there.” 

“Oh.” Carlisle grimaced. “I guess that explains why she’s been watching me warily.” 

“Has she?” I couldn’t blame her though. It wouldn’t have been pleasant to think you were working with another abuser when you were fleeing from one. Carlisle nodded and I sighed. “I guess I should have spoken at the meeting.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset with you,” Carlisle assured me and kissed the top of my head.

“I did give her my number in case she needed anything. And I’m going to the next meeting.” 

Carlisle pulled me closer. “Good. I’m proud of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hangry and mentally tired Carlisle is something that can actually be so personal.
> 
> I'm not good at face claims, but I picture Kelly Marie Tran as Amanda and McKenna Grace - specifically when she played young Theo Crain in Haunting of Hill House - as Sydney.
> 
> The Archer by Taylor Swift is a theme song for this fic.


	5. Chapter 4

**Sydney’s POV**

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay out here, peanut?” Mom asked. 

We were back at the Port Angeles Library for Mom’s support group. I decided to hang out in the library rather than sit in on the meeting. Last time, I could hear the stories the other women told even through my music and it made me uncomfortable. They made me think of things I’d rather forget. 

“Yeah. Don’t worry about me,” I said. It wasn’t like she was going to be that far away. 

“I’m your mom, that’s my job.” 

“I know, I know.” She said that all the time. 

Mom kissed my head and joined Esme at the community room door. Esme seemed nice, though I didn’t really know what to say to her. She smiled at me and I tentatively returned it before turning away to wander around the bookshelves. 

I found _The Kane Chronicles_ in the kid’s section. Jessica told me about the series when I went to Angela’s birthday sleepover. She was really into Egyptian mythology and was excited about the Egypt unit in our social studies class. It surprised me, since all she tended to talk about in school was boys. But outside of school, Jessica seemed like a different person. 

Though I couldn’t entirely escape the boy talk. Jessica and Angela had asked me if I liked anyone, but all I could do was shrug. I didn’t really get _liking_ someone. 

Mom said I would understand when I was older, but I didn’t like that answer either. I already felt behind my other classmates by being one of the youngest. I wouldn’t turn twelve until November. 

Thankfully the boy talk didn’t last long, and we spent most of the time watching movies and eating junk food. 

I wanted to take the book out and read, but I didn’t see the point since I didn’t have a library card yet. So I wandered over to a table that gave me a good view of the community room and decided to do my homework. I just had a couple of half-finished science worksheets to do and those didn’t take me long. There was still about a half hour until Mom would be done. I slumped back in my chair with a sigh before I dug out my notebook from my backpack so I could draw. 

As I drew, I thought back to the sleepover again. I was glad that I went but at the same time it made me sad. Angela’s dad was really nice, and it was obvious Angela was really close with him. There was a point when Jessica told us a ghost story and we’d been giggling too loud. Angela’s dad had come out to tell us we should quiet down or else we’d wake the “little ghosts” down the hall. 

“Sorry, Dad.”

“It’s all right, Ang.” Angela’s dad winked at us and left us alone. He hadn’t even been upset like I expected.

“What does he mean?” I’d asked, confused.

“He means my little brothers,” Angela had said. 

Then in the morning, he had gotten us all donuts and remembered the special flavor that Angela liked. 

Why couldn’t my dad be like that?

Sudden tears blurred my vision and paused in drawing to wipe them away. I didn’t want Mom to come out and see that I’d been crying. Picking up my pencil again, I concentrated on my drawing and tried hard not to think about Dad. 

Then suddenly the chair across from me moved and I jumped. 

It was Esme. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said, sitting down. 

“It’s fine,” I said, though my heart was still pounding. I glanced over at the community room. The door was now open and other women were filing out; I didn’t realize the meeting was over. “Where’s my mom?” 

“She’s in the bathroom.” 

“Oh.” I started bouncing my leg nervously and wondered what Esme wanted. 

Her bright gold eyes were on my notebook. I wondered if she was wearing contacts or if that was her actual eye color. “I like your drawings.” 

I blinked. “You do?” 

“Are those manga figures?” 

“Kind of.” I shrugged. “I learned to draw people from manga books but then I started doing it my own way.” There was a period in fifth grade where that’s all I would check out from the school library. 

Esme smiled. “That’s a sign of a true artist.” I searched for any sign she was faking interest and just saying it, but her eyes and voice were sincere. 

“Th-thank you,” I stammered. Drawing was something I did for fun. I didn’t really think of myself as an artist, especially since I hadn’t even drawn something that was my own, just Prince Zuko. 

“Hey, Sydney.” Mom joined us with a sigh. “Are you ready to go home?” 

I nodded, shrugged on my jacket, and started packing up my backpack. 

“I was just complimenting her art,” Esme said, standing up. 

“Ah, yes.” Mom got a look in her eye and I knew what was coming. “Syd’s been drawing ever since she stopped chewing on crayons as a toddler.” 

“Mom!” I complained. Did she always have to tell the crayon chewing story? 

Esme laughed, but it didn’t sound like she was laughing at me. “More than once I’ve somehow gotten paint on my face and my husband’s had to wipe it off.” 

“You paint?” I asked and she nodded, her expression warm. 

I found that I liked sharing something in common with her. 

I let Mom and Esme talk between themselves as we left the library. It was raining. Again. I pulled up my hood with a frown. I liked rain but I was already getting tired of it. 

“Sydney.” The sound of my name stopped me from opening our car door. “You know I work a later shift tomorrow, so I was thinking that Esme could pick you up from school,” Mom said. “Would that be all right?” 

Much as she tried to keep it from me, I knew it’d been tricky for Mom to arrange her schedule for me. That was something that was actually harder without Dad around, which was confusing to think about. “Sure. Okay,” I agreed and got in the car. 

Mom spent a few more minutes talk to Esme before she joined me. She took her hood down with a sigh. “Did I embarrass you by mentioning the crayon chewing?” 

I shrugged. “Yeah, a little.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” 

Mom reached over and touched my hair. “Are you sure you’re okay with Esme picking you up?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay with it.” It wouldn’t be any different than the time Mrs. Weber gave me a ride. Though at least now I had a head’s up. 

But the next day, I got more and more anxious about it. As I sat in my last class of the day, I was wracked with the same fear that nobody would be there to pick me up. Mom had given me Esme’s number and I knew that, realistically, our house wasn’t that far from the school so I could walk if I had to. I stared at the clock above the whiteboard, my stomach growing more uneasy as dismissal time creeped closer. 

“Hey, who’d you get?” Jessica asked, leaning across the space between our desks. 

“Oh, um…” Our next social studies assignment was a mini presentation on an Egyptian god. Mrs. Zercher was going around with a box of folded papers, each with the name of a god written on them. I held mine out to her. 

“Isis,” she read. “I got Osiris. You know, our gods are married to each other, but they’re also brother and sister which is _weird_.” 

I nodded and looked back to the clock. “Yeah. Weird.” 

“Why do you always look so nervous about the end of the school day?” 

I shrank down in my chair and shrugged. Her question was just another unpleasant reminder that I wasn’t like the other kids. Thankfully, our teacher called the class back to attention before Jessica could say anything else. After a few more instructions about the assignment, the final bell rang. I quickly packed up and darted for the door. I heard Jessica call my name, but I didn’t wait up. 

When I got outside, Esme was there waiting for me. She leaned against the side of her car, which was thoughtful because I didn’t even remember what it looked like. She was standing very still before waving when she saw me. “Hi.” 

Esme had such a sincere smile that I felt stupid for worrying. I might not know her well, but she didn’t seem the type to forget promises. “Hi.” 

Esme opened the door for me, and I got in. 

**Esme’s POV**

Sarah had taken me up on my offer sooner than I thought she would. She worked until midnight and needed someone to pick up Sydney and I gladly agreed. Carlisle had watched me with some amusement as I got ready to go, a little earlier than I needed to. Sarah had confessed to me that she scared Sydney one time by not being there to pick her up. Though it wasn’t on purpose, Sarah knew that Sydney still worried every time school let out and felt terrible. Even last night as we made arrangements, I could see that Sydney was a bit nervous. 

I didn’t miss the look of relief on Sydney’s face when she saw me waiting for her.

When we arrived at her house, Sydney grabbed her backpack and undid her seatbelt. “Thank you for the ride.” 

“You’re welcome,” I said. Sydney started to get out and I suddenly felt uneasy. 

I wasn’t asked to do more than pick up Sydney from school. I had the feeling that Sarah didn’t want to ask for too much too soon. But leaving Sydney alone until that late at night… 

The rational part of me knew that she was capable of staying home by herself and had been doing it for a while. However, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go about my business at home without wondering if she was okay. 

There was also an aching loneliness in Sydney’s eyes that reminded me of Carlisle. So I asked, “Do you want some company?” 

Sydney stared at me in surprise, her hand on the door ready to shut it. It looked like she was debating with herself before she nodded. “Yeah. If you want to.”

I pulled the keys from the ignition and grabbed my purse. “I do.” 

I followed Sydney inside and she locked the door behind me. Then she slid off her shoes and hung her jacket on a peg on the wall. I did the same, even though it felt strange to do so in a house that wasn’t my own. But that was the first rule of blending in – do what the humans did. 

The house was sparsely decorated. There were no family pictures that I could see, just a couple general landscape prints that gave the house a vague hotel feeling. The living room was small and shared space with the dining and kitchen area. It was all very clean, as if Sarah and Sydney were trying not to make their presence known. The most personality was a messy stack of DVDs on the TV stand. 

Sydney went down the hallway - presumably to her room - and came back after a moment without her backpack. She found me still standing in the doorway. “Um…You can sit.” 

“Right. Of course.” I sat on the couch and set my purse on the coffee table, feeling like I probably should have known to do that. 

Sydney shifted on her feet. “Do you want a snack?” She seemed unsure how to play host. 

“No, thank you.” Though I knew if I was going to stay until Sarah got home, I couldn’t get out of the eating issue. “Go ahead and have one. Do what you normally do.” 

Sydney disappeared into the kitchen and I now wondered at my decision to stay. She didn’t seem to know what to do with someone else in the house. I worried that I shouldn't stay long, but just as quickly, a conviction that I was where I needed to be replaced that worry. 

Sydney came back with a granola bar and a Capri Sun. She sat on the opposite end of the couch from me, tucking her legs underneath her, and busied herself with poking the straw into the drink pouch. 

“How was your day?” I asked. 

“It was okay,” she said around a mouthful of straw. 

I was reminded of Jasper. He wasn’t a fan of small talk and took patient prompting to get more out of him. “How do you like Forks?”

Sydney shrugged and opened the granola bar. “Too rainy.”

I laughed. “Yes, it is that.” 

“It’s kind of hard to make friends here when you’re new.” 

Ah, yes, small towns were hard on newcomers, even if you weren’t vampires that needed to keep a low profile. “I understand that.” Sydney tilted her head in question. “My family’s new to Forks too. We’ve only been here a year.”

“Oh.” Sydney took a bite of the granola bar and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. “I guess Angela and Jessica are my friends.” 

“Why do say ‘I guess’?” 

“I still feel on the outside.” 

There was that loneliness again. “It might not seem like it now, but it gets better with time.” It was the same for me with Josh and Amanda. They were Carlisle’s coworkers, until I started visiting him at the hospital often enough that they extended their friendship to me too. 

For the second time, I felt my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was from Carlisle. 

_Everything okay?_

_Yeah. I’m going to stay with Sydney until her mother gets home._

The reply dots stayed onscreen for a bit and I knew I surprised him. But the reply was simple. _Okay. If you need anything, let me know._

_I will. I love you._

_I love you too._

“Do you need to go?” Sydney asked. It may have been my imagination, but she sounded disappointed. 

“No,” I assured her and put my phone in my purse this time. “Carlisle – my husband – was checking on me.” 

Sydney seemed skeptical and I realized that she might make the same assumption that Sarah did. I took a deep breath. “So you probably guessed that I’m in the support group for the same reason as your mom?” 

Sydney nodded. 

“Well, Carlisle wasn’t the one that hurt me. I had a husband before him that did.” 

Sydney chewed on her lip and shrank in on herself. “I’m sorry.”

There was a scar on the right side of Sydney’s forehead that ran along her hairline. I couldn't stop myself from wondering if it was from some accident or from her father. I felt sick at the thought. “I’m sorry about what you’ve been through too.”

Sydney closed her fist around the empty wrapper and juice pouch with a sharp crackle. “I have homework to do.” She stood. 

“Okay,” I said. I felt a little bad for stumbling into something she didn’t want to talk about. 

“How long are you going to stay?” 

“As long as you want me to.” 

Something like hope flickered in Sydney’s eyes. “Okay.” 

Sydney surprised me by bringing out her homework to the coffee table and turning on a show on Netflix. She said the noise helped her feel less alone. I watched the show – _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ – in between watching her work. I didn’t entirely understand the plotline, but I recognized one character.

“Is Zuko your favorite?” I asked. 

“Huh?” Sydney looked up at me, surprised. 

“You were drawing him last night.” 

Sydney stared like she couldn’t believe I would remember what she drew. “Yeah…he is my favorite.” 

As I watched Zuko confront his father about his cruelty onscreen, I thought I knew exactly why she liked him. 

By the time Sydney finished, it was nearing dinner time. I couldn’t deny I wasn’t exactly looking forward to this. I knew I would have to eat with her in order to not draw suspicion. “Do you need help making something?” I asked, following Sydney into the kitchen. This part, at least, could be fun. I only occasionally got help in the kitchen baking goods to take to the hospital over the years. 

“Mmm…” Sydney opened the fridge, peering intently at the contents inside. “No. There’s still some leftover veggie lasagna.” She paused. “If that’s okay?”

I smiled, hoping it didn’t look too forced. “That’s perfect.” 

Sydney got out plates and forks for us, waving away any offer of help. As the lasagna heated up in the microwave, I had to consciously make sure I wasn’t cringing at the smell. I really hated the smell of hot cheese. 

We ate in mostly comfortable silence. I asked her a few more questions about school and hobbies – her favorite subjects were English and science and she used to do gymnastics before coming to Forks – to distract myself from forcing down the lasagna. If it wasn’t a one-on-one dinner, I might have faked eating. 

Once we finished eating, I reached over to take Sydney’s plate and she got a deer-in-the-headlights look. “You don’t have to clean up,” she protested. 

“Well, since you got dinner out for us, it’s the least I can do,” I told her. 

Sydney shook her head. “I can do it. I’m supposed to wash the rest of the dishes anyway.” 

She was trying so hard to be good and my heart broke for her. “Allow me,” I said firmly. “Go relax.” 

Uncertain, Sydney got up from the table and went back to the couch. She picked up the remote to turn on Netflix again, but she hesitated, looking at me as if I would change my mind and make her clean up. I gave her an encouraging nod before taking our dishes to the sink. 

As I turned on the water, I heard Sydney finally resume Avatar. I began cleaning the pile of dishes and memories flashed in my mind – worrying about finishing dinner before Charles got home, making sure the dinner table was perfectly arranged, obsessively cleaning up after. It was all a defense mechanism to head off abuse. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. 

In the early years with Carlisle, it was difficult to unlearn that. It would take time for Sydney to unlearn that too. 

Once the dishes were drying in the rack, I watched a few more episodes with Sydney before she decided to take a shower. When she was done, she came back out in pajamas and with a brush. 

“Um…” Sydney glanced at me shyly. “Do you know how to French braid?” 

A strange warmth flooded my chest. “Yes, I do. Do you want me to braid your hair?”

Sydney nodded. “If you don’t mind. I can’t do it on myself.” 

I took the brush she offered me. “I don’t mind at all. One or two braids?”

“Two, please.” Sydney turned around and scooted back to me. 

It occurred to me that it had been a very long time since I’d touched a human in any sort of manner beyond a handshake. 

And, well… The times that I’ve _slipped_. 

I reminded myself that the last time was decades ago and the burn in my throat was just background noise now.

I carefully brushed out Sydney’s wet hair, suddenly worried about tugging too hard. It was something I never had to think about before. But Sydney didn’t show any sign of discomfort as I parted her hair and started braiding. 

“There. You’re all set,” I said when I finished the two braids. 

Sydney ran a hand over them. “Thank you.” 

“You’re very welcome.” 

She took back her brush and stood. “I’m going to sleep.” She turned around and leaned at the hallway entrance. “Are you still going to be here?” 

“Yes, I’ll be here,” I assured her. 

Sydney smiled and she was the most relaxed I’ve seen her. “Good night, Esme.” 

“Good night, Sydney.” 

She disappeared into her bedroom and I listened to her get into bed. I couldn’t help but think it must be lonely to have to put yourself to bed on your own, especially as a child. At least with not being able to sleep, I could occupy myself whenever Carlisle had a night shift. 

I browsed Netflix for a bit, before deciding on _The Twilight Zone_ for nostalgia purposes. Emmett and I used to watch it religiously when it first aired on TV. Once I was sure that Sydney was deep asleep, I snuck out the back sliding door and ran into the trees in the backyard to get rid of the lasagna I ate. 

“Shit,” I muttered, spitting and wiping my mouth. I hated having to do that. Human or vampire, puking was never a pleasant sensation. 

I had just gotten back inside I saw headlights through the window and heard a car pull in the driveway. Despite Alice’s text earlier, I did start to feel nervous again about how Sarah would take it. I listened to her footsteps come up to the door and the key turn into the lock. 

Sarah stepped inside warily, her heart racing. I wondered if she was remembering returning home to her husband, not knowing what she would find. “Esme,” she said and softly closed the door behind her. She looked exhausted and she smelled like the hospital, much like Carlisle did when he got home from shifts. “I’m surprised you’re still here.” 

It didn’t sound like she was upset, but I spread out my hands in a placating manner anyway. “I didn’t mean to overstep. It just didn’t feel right to me to leave Sydney alone.” 

Sarah blinked and slowly took off her jacket, hanging it up with Sydney’s. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I know.” She sounded just like Sydney, unused to people offering help. It was sadly unsurprising after what little bit she shared at the support group last night. She had to get herself and Sydney out on her own. 

“I can pay you for your time.” 

I shook my head. “Sarah. That’s not necessary. I did it because I wanted to and to take some weight off your shoulders.” 

Sarah teared up again, like she had when I gave her my number. But her voice was steady when she said, “Well, at least let me take you out for coffee so we’re not always seeing each other at that group.” 

“I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're finally at Esme and Sydney bonding time. This is what I get for pantsing what happens in individual chapters lol
> 
> Thanks for reading, I'd love to hear what you think


	6. Chapter 5

**Esme’s POV**

As I drove home, I couldn’t stop thinking about the time I spent with Sydney. She was so contained within herself that even the small bit of relaxation she allowed was a big difference. And Sarah was still mistrustful over offers of help. Maybe they were out of the abusive home, but they were stuck in the patterns they learned to survive. I saw myself in both of them. Hopefully I could help see them and myself free of the ghosts of the past. 

The first thing I noticed when I pulled up to the house was Rosalie’s car. That was a pleasant surprise. I hadn’t heard they were planning to visit this weekend. 

Once I got in the door, I was greeted by the familiar scents of Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett. I smiled as I deposited my purse on an end table and headed upstairs. Their presence always made the house feel even more like home. 

I heard Emmett and Carlisle talking in Carlisle’s study and then Jasper’s voice called from his room, “Want to bet he’s going to bother Esme about it?” 

Rose’s scoff came from the room she shared with Emmett. “That’s hardly even a bet, JJ. You already know he is.” 

I frowned. “Bother me about what?” 

Feeling my apprehension, Jasper said, “It’s nothing bad, Esme.” 

The door to Carlisle’s study opened. “I can hear you two,” Emmett said loudly. Then he drew me into a bear hug, lifting me a few feet off the ground and setting me down again.

“We know,” Rosalie and Jasper replied in unison. 

“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s this about?” I asked, sliding past Emmett into the study. Carlisle stood behind his desk, looking apologetic. I joined him, stepping into his embrace and he kissed my forehead. 

“Do humans normally eat whole lemons by themselves?” 

That wasn’t the weirdest question Emmett’s asked me, but it still brought me up short. Carlisle huffed a laugh into my hair. “Is there a specific reason why you’re asking or…?”

“One of my classmates took out a lemon and started eating it in class,” Emmett explained. “He actually ate the whole thing. And this wasn’t a one-time thing. Every time in that class, I’ve seen him eat a lemon. It’s weird.”

That was pretty strange. I’d never known humans to do that. Lemons were too tart. But they did have vitamin C… “Maybe he has scurvy?” I suggested. When you had a doctor for a husband, you tended to pick up on these things. 

“Funny, that’s what Carlisle said.” 

I peeked up at Carlisle and he was holding back a laugh. “Well, then, there’s your answer. Either that or he really likes lemons.” 

Emmett shrugged. “I guess.” He looked at me speculatively. “You smell like human. How’s the kiddo?” 

“She’s –“ I couldn’t exactly say good. “Okay. She was asleep when I left.” 

“What’d you two do?” 

“She did her homework and then we ate dinner and watched Netflix.”

“Damn, kid did her homework on a Friday night? I don’t even do that.” Emmett sounded genuinely impressed. 

“When do you ever do homework?” Carlisle muttered. 

“When I feel like it, Dad.” 

Carlisle made a face. “Don’t, it sounds weird coming from you.” Which was exactly why Emmett did it to tease him. Despite being Emmett’s creator, there was no way Carlisle could physically pass as a father to him. Or any of the others. In any case, the relationships Carlisle and I had with them were like that of older siblings. 

Emmett ignored that and turned his attention back to me. “Sounds like you adopted a duckling.” He grinned and winked. “Next thing you know, you’ll be bringing her home.” 

I shook my head. That was very unlikely. We never brought humans home. “Oh, stop. She already has a mother.” 

“Kids can have two moms, Esme,” Emmet said very seriously and then backed out of the study, leaving Carlisle and I alone. 

Two moms? I wasn’t sure what Emmett meant by that. I’d only spent one evening with Sydney so it seemed a little early to say that I was taking on a mom role in her life. Though it had felt very nice to look after a child, like I might have for my own son if he’d lived. 

I pushed away that thought as a turned to embrace Carlisle again. He tipped my face up to kiss me, lingering and sweet. I savored the feel of his lips on mine before pulling away. 

“I wasn’t done yet,” Carlisle teased. 

“Well, right now we have an audience,” I said lightly, tipping my head in the direction of the Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper’s rooms. 

Carlisle gave a mock long-suffering sigh and sat in his chair again, drawing me into his lap. “Did I hear you say that you ate dinner?” he asked, amused. 

I tried not to think about the sensation of forcing down the food and then having to vomit it up again but was unsuccessful. “Veggie lasagna.” 

Carlisle let out a low chuckle and curled a strand of my hair around his finger. “Going vegetarian even with human food, are you?” 

“Haha.” 

His fingers trailed over to my cheekbone, lightly tracing under my eye. I didn’t think to check how dark they looked. “I think Rose was planning to hunt soon, if you need to go with her.” 

“Later,” I said and hugged him closer, nuzzling my face in his hair. 

“Emmett’s right, it does sound like you adopted a duckling.” 

“That’s not a bad thing, is it?” Even though we both agreed to look after Sarah and Sydney, we still had to be careful. Not just in keeping the secret about our true identity, but there was also the fact that in a few short years we would have to leave. It was easier to do that if you weren’t attached. It was a hard line to walk and I wasn’t as practiced at it as Carlisle was. 

Carlisle shook his head. “I think you’re where you need to be.” 

"You know, I really needed to hear that," I said and drew him into another kiss.

When I got back from hunting with Rose later in the day, I found a text from Sarah on my phone asking if I was busy tomorrow afternoon. I replied that I wasn’t and Sarah followed up on that offer of going out for coffee. I was surprised, yet pleased, by it and agreed. 

The next afternoon, we met up at the local coffee shop. I was unsurprised to see Sydney tagging along. Her hair was still wavy from the braids I put it in. She gave me a shy smile and wave when she saw me. Sarah looked more well rested than I’d seen her recently and that gave me hope that I was doing some good. Once we got our drinks (I made note of the simple hot latte with no sugar that Sarah got for future reference), we decided to head over to Tillicum Park since it wasn’t raining for once. 

The sun peeked in and out of the clouds. It was nice to feel the warmth on my skin, though the sunlight did tend to highlight how pale I was. With the wind coming in from the west, I could smell ocean brine and I wondered if my companions noticed it too. 

Just as Sarah and I found a picnic bench to sit on, Sydney heard her name called. Two girls her age – one tall and with glasses, the other shorter with unruly curls – beckoned her over to the swings. I guessed they were Angela and Jessica. 

Sydney shot her mom a questioning look. 

“Go on,” Sarah told her. She stared after her daughter as she joined Angela and Jessica. “I worry about her being alone.” This was said softly and I wasn’t sure if Sarah was talking to herself or to me. 

I replied anyway. “I think that’s a normal thing to worry about.” 

She continued to watch Sydney, who was now on her own swing. “I took her from friends and cousins she grew up with. I didn’t give her any warning about leaving but I saw an opportunity and I had to take it. I keep worrying if that was the best thing for her.” 

My decision to leave was much easier on that front. My son wasn’t yet born so where I went, he went. “Would leaving her behind with your husband have been better?” I asked. 

She was quiet for a long moment, eyebrows furrowed as she thought. “No.” Sarah sighed and turned back to me. “I really do appreciate you staying with her. I don’t like having to leave her alone at the house but I haven’t had much choice.” 

“I was happy to do it,” I reminded her. “And I’ll be happy to do it again whenever you need it.” I pretended to take a sip of my tea. 

Sarah smiled ruefully and sipped her own coffee. “I know. It’s just still hard to ask for help, especially after being rebuffed.”

I knew how that went. “If I may ask…what happened?” 

She fiddled with the mug sleeve. “After the first time Mark hit me, I made the mistake of telling his mother. It was a disaster. She basically thought I was lying.” She shook her head and it seemed like she was mad at herself. “I don’t know what I expected, really.” 

“You expected to be helped. That’s not an unreasonable expectation.” Sarah still looked disbelieving. Thinking it would help to know she wasn’t the only one that happened to, I said, “When I told my parents, they made me go back to Charles and told me I had to deal with it.”

Sarah’s eyes widened. “Your parents wouldn’t do anything?” 

I nodded and remembered the betrayal I felt when I realized my mother wasn’t going to help me. I wasn’t sure I entirely forgave my parents for failing me even now. 

Sarah reached across to touch my hand. “I’m sorry, Esme.” 

I froze in surprise at the touch, not used to humans casually touching me. “I’m sorry that happened to you, too,” I managed to get out. “What about your family?”

Sarah withdrew her hand and shrugged. “My dad died when I graduated high school and my mom died when Sydney was a baby. I don’t have any siblings or much extended family to speak of. Basically the opposite of Mark.” Her expression darkened. “And on my bitterest days I wonder if that’s why he chose me.” 

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. Maybe Mark did marry her for that reason, maybe he didn’t. I knew I wondered why Charles agreed to marry me. But ultimately, I decided trying to find a reason for Charles’s actions was pointless. 

My silence must have made Sarah anxious because she said, “I’m sorry for dumping all that on you.” 

“No need to be sorry,” I assured her. 

A shriek interrupted us then and we both immediately looked around for Sydney. The girls had left the swings and were now taking turns on the zip line. Jessica had just gone across and was bringing the handle back to the platform by the lead rope, laughing. We watched Sydney take a turn. She was quiet on her way across, but grinning. 

“That seems like an accident waiting to happen,” Sarah said drily, but the warmth in her eyes meant that she was glad Sydney was having fun. 

“Well, good thing you’re a nurse and my husband’s a doctor, then,” I said and winked. 

Sarah laughed. “Yes. Good thing.” 

I knew something was up when Carlisle intercepted me after I returned from my coffee date. “Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper want to talk,” he said with an uncomfortable edge to his voice.

I was instantly nervous. “What about?” I asked, though I could guess. 

“Sarah and Sydney.” Carlisle took my hands in his. “It’s not that they’re upset with your friendship with them, love.”

“Then what is it?” Carlisle hesitated and I shook my head. “Never mind, I’ll hear what they have to say.” 

We went to the dining room where the others waited. Since we didn’t used the table for eating, it was for family meetings like this. Emmett sat backward in his chair, while Rosalie stood by his side. Jasper also stood, arms behind his back. Carlisle put an arm around my shoulder almost protectively. 

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked. 

“From what we understand, Sarah and Sydney are running from an abusive douchebag, right?” Emmett asked.

“Yes, that’s right.”

Emmett gave Rosalie a meaningful look. 

“Do you know where they lived before? And what the husband’s name is?” she asked, eyes intense. 

My unease grew. “Spokane,” I said slowly. “His name is Mark Thompson.” 

Rose raised her eyebrows at Jasper. “It wouldn’t be hard to find him,” he said. His expression was somehow blank of emotion and yet determined at the same time. 

The realization of what this was about hit me. “You aren’t planning to go find Sarah’s husband,” I said faintly. Carlisle squeezed my shoulder. 

“It’s an option,” Rose said. 

“No, it’s not.” 

“You know that her husband most likely will come after her.” 

“Yes, I’m completely aware of that!” I snapped. 

Charles had come after me and I was sent on the run for a second time. It was terrifying and it made me feel like I could never truly be safe. What made her think that I hadn’t considered that Mark might track down Sarah and Sydney? But I didn’t want another case of vigilante justice to happen without considering what Sarah and Sydney would want. 

I knew what it was like to have someone killed for you when you hadn’t wanted it. 

Edward had done that. 

I’d wanted to leave Charles alone, let him drink himself to death for all I cared. I’d wanted to forget him and move on with my life. But Edward had ignored my wishes and it became another instance of a man thinking he knew what was best for me. 

Only Carlisle, Edward, and I knew about that. I wanted it kept private. 

Rose opened her mouth but Carlisle cut her off. “Rosalie, don’t. Esme made herself clear.” 

Seeing my distress, Rose nodded. “Right. I’m sorry.” Emmett took her hand and squeezed it. 

Some of the tension in my body eased and it felt like someone draped a warm blanket around my shoulders. Jasper gave me a small smile and I knew it was his way of apologizing for upsetting me. 

I didn’t know what to make of the fact that they were making plans like this, especially since they didn’t even know Sarah and Sydney. 

“Why are you confused?” Jasper asked. 

“I’m just surprised at your…interest,” I said. 

The three of them looked at each other and then Emmett spoke. “This seems very important to you.” He shrugged. “We figured if we could help your friends feel safer, it would be like helping you. You know, since we weren’t around to help when you went through this.” 

_Oh my dear ones_. My throat tightened. “Thank you.” My voice wavered and Carlisle kissed my head. I appreciate your enthusiasm but this…friendship is still in the beginning stages. It feels too early to be making plans like this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, I was staring at this chapter way too long. 
> 
> Gentle reminder that I took away the sparkling factor. There is a Tillicum Park in Forks but I don't actually know if there's a zip line. I got that from a park in a small town I used to live in. Emmett being perplexed by a classmate eating a lemon is a My Brother My Brother and Me reference. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think


	7. Interlude - Violence Causes Silence

**Columbus, Ohio 1917**

Esme almost started crying when she saw her childhood home. There was the familiar house with chipped white paint. She used to run her fingers over the weathered siding as she did her chores, daydreaming about the different colors she would paint it if she could. There was the familiar porch where she spent many summers reading and drinking the lemonade she and her mother had made. There was the tree she fell out of at sixteen (and then fell hopelessly in love with the blond doctor that treated her). 

She wished she could turn back time and be that girl again. She wished she could stop herself from marrying Charles Evenson, no matter how promising a match he seemed to her parents. 

As she stepped up to front door, Esme could faintly hear her mother sing softly as she often did while she worked. She bit her lip to try to stop fresh tears in her eyes and opened the door. The motion of turning the handle made her wrist smart. Esme didn’t think Charles had broken it – she knew what that felt like – but the bruise in the shape of his hand was still livid. He had hit her in the face too, but that hadn’t left a mark. 

Inside smelled like baking bread. Esme followed the smell to the kitchen, where she found her mother washing some dishes. 

“Oh!” her mother exclaimed when she saw Esme from the corner of her eye, slopping a bit of water onto the floor. “Esme?” 

“Mama.” As soon as she said it, Esme could no longer hold back the tears. She almost felt like a child again, coming to her mother in tears after scraping her knees. 

“Esme, dear, what is it?” Mama wiped her hands on a towel and then ushered Esme into a kitchen chair. She sat next to Esme and put an arm around her shoulders. 

For a long while, Esme could only cry. She haltingly told Mama the story – how Charles had come home yesterday and started yelling at her. She found she couldn’t really remember what the reason was. All she could remember was the blow across her face and being trapped against a wall and Charles gripping her wrist so hard she thought her bones would snap. 

Mama’s face blanched when Esme showed her the bruise and for a moment, she felt hope. Maybe her mother would help her out of this. But that hope was immediately snuffed out. 

“Men have so much responsibility to provide for their families. It’s very hard work, especially in these times with the war happening. Sometimes they get angry,” Mama said, patting her hand. “That’s how they are.” 

Esme couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Suddenly her mother’s face seemed like a stranger’s. “I have never seen Papa hit you even when he was angry,” she whispered. Papa was a quiet man and slow to anger. Surely all men couldn’t be like Charles. 

Mama’s mouth thinned, like she was unhappy Esme had poked a hole in her explanation. “Yes, I know. But you are not the only wife who has gone through this and there’s nothing to do about it. You’ve got to learn to live with it.”

“Learn to live with it?” Esme echoed, dazed. 

Mama nodded. “The first year of marriages are always hard. It’ll get better.” She smiled, as if that would take away the sting of betrayal. 

“What if it doesn’t?” Esme asked even though she knew the conversation was over. 

When the bread came out of the oven, Mama fed her a slice with butter and gave her tea. Esme could hardly taste a thing as her mother chatted about her garden and church. Mama was still talking when Papa returned from town. He was surprised to see Esme there but she couldn’t find her voice to explain her presence. She let Mama do that and it was arranged that Papa would take her back to Charles. 

As she got in the wagon, Esme felt the first rumblings of anger inside. Papa got in beside her and flicked the reins. The ride back to Charles’s house – Esme couldn’t think of it as home – was silent and the longer the silence lasted, the angrier she got. 

“I am your daughter!” The words finally burst out of her and Esme could hardly recognize her own voice shaking with anger. Like her father, she didn’t get angry easily. “Why won’t you help me?” 

Papa wouldn’t look her in the eye. “You need to learn to deal with things on your own. You’re a married woman now, Esme.”

 _And yet I’m being taken back to my husband like a disobedient child_ , Esme thought bitterly. 

Charles was in the front door when they pulled up, his face a storm cloud. Esme woodenly got out and didn’t say goodbye to her father, didn’t listen to the conversation between him and Charles. She wondered how her father didn’t see the promised violence in Charles’s eyes. She dared a last glance at him. 

No. Her father did see Charles for who he was. He was just a coward that didn’t care enough to stand up for Esme. 

Esme carefully stepped around Charles into the house and felt her anger give way to despair. But she didn’t have much time to prepare herself before Charles roughly grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. 

“Did you think you could run away from me?” he yelled in her face. When Esme didn’t answer, he shook her and demanded, “Well? Did you?” 

“N-no,” Esme stammered, heart pounding in her ears. 

“That’s right.” Charles shoved her and she stumbled backward to the floor. “You belong to me now, whether you like it or not. You don’t get to decide you don’t want to be married to me anymore.” 

He advanced on Esme and she scrambled to get back on her feet, but another blow forced her back down. 

She blocked out everything that happened after that. 

**Spokane, Washington 2006**

From her vantage point in her mother-in-law’s kitchen, Sarah watched Sydney bounce on the trampoline with her cousins Mckayla and Aleah. She was glad Sydney’s other cousins Connor and Ezra were occupied with playing with sparklers. They had a penchant for jumping onto the trampoline from the shed roof right next to it and she didn’t feel like telling them off. Especially since her in-laws didn’t seem to have a problem with that and she felt crazy for being concerned.

Sarah had come inside to go to the bathroom, but it was also to have a break from pretending everything was fine during this Fourth of July celebration. She wasn’t in a hurry to go back out there, though she knew she would be missed eventually. She searched for Mark and found that he was still deep in conversation with his sister Jenny and her husband Chris. He laughed at something, completely relaxed and she felt a pang in her chest. He looked like the man she fell in love with and not like the completely different person he’d become in the last year. 

Mark had become resentful that she had decided to finally go to college and pursue a nursing degree. At first, Sarah had thought it was because it would be a big adjustment for their family. Once they had gotten used to their new routine, it seemed to have gone away. But then the snide comments started, usually when Sarah’s schedule meant that Mark had to take over getting Sydney to and from school and gymnastics. 

Things escalated recently. Sarah was taking a summer community health nursing course and one day she found Mark reading her school emails. She had been exchanging class notes with a classmate named Dean, but Mark didn’t see the emails as they were. Accusations of cheating erupted and culminated with him striking Sarah across the face before storming out. 

He later apologized and things seemed to get better, like they had been before she went to school. 

Sarah desperately wanted to trust it but couldn’t.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the front door opening and her mother-in-law, Clara, bustled into the kitchen with grocery bags. Mark’s other sisters Ashley and Heather trailed in after her. Sarah rushed to help – they had gone out to get more popsicles and watermelon. Ashley and Heather put the popsicle in a cooler and took it outside, which left Sarah to help Clara cut up the watermelon into slices. Sarah was glad for an excuse to stay inside a little longer. 

“Is everything okay, dear?” Clara asked after a few minutes of cutting. 

Sarah wasn’t sure how to answer. “Why do you ask?” 

“You seem kind of down.” Clara patted her hand. “You know you can tell me anything.” 

Sarah met her mother-in-law’s eyes and they seemed warm and inviting. Clara had been so kind to her, especially in the days when Sarah’s own mother died. She was family.

But when Sarah started explaining what Mark did, Clara’s face became rigid. She jerked her hand away from Sarah’s. “Why are you saying these things?” she hissed.

“I – “ Sarah’s mind went blank, stunned by her reaction. “Because that’s what happened.” Why would she make this up?

“Mark would never do that.” Clara’s eyes flashed with accusation. “Were you flirting with your classmate?” 

Sarah couldn’t help the incredulous laugh that burst out of her. “What?” Clara was stone faced. “No, we were exchanging class notes!”

Clara shook her head. “You shouldn’t be talking to other men when you’re married, Sarah. Adultery is a sin.”

That was bullshit. “But it’s not a sin for a man to hit his wife?” Sarah shot back. 

“Do you know what you’re accusing him of?” Clara’s voice raised and Sarah was suddenly afraid of someone overhearing. “I did not raise my son to be like that. Is that what you think of me?” 

And there the awful truth was laid bare: Clara would rather believe she was lying than think that her son could be capable of wrongdoing. Sarah let out a shaky breath. “Forget I said anything.” She took her tray of finished slices and left Clara in angry silence.

The house no longer felt like a refuge from pretending everything was fine and as Sarah stepped back into the yard, she had the distinct feeling that she was in enemy territory. But she put on a mask and chatted with her in-laws and helped Sydney light her own sparkler. 

She didn’t notice Clara approach Mark and ask to talk to him inside.

When Sarah went back inside to get Sydney’s quilt (she wanted to lay on it while they watched fireworks), Mark found her in the hallway and trapped her against a wall. “Did you have a nice talk with my mother?” His voice was remarkably calm and so was his expression. Only his eyes betrayed how pissed he was. 

Sarah scrambled to explain. “It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said anything.” 

“No. You shouldn’t have,” Mark agreed. 

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“You’re right, it won’t. Because this is private, isn’t it?”

Sarah nodded. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated. 

“Good.” Mark kissed her forehead and it felt like a warning. “Fireworks are starting soon.” With that, he released her and left. 

Sarah took a few shaky breaths before ducking into the spare bedroom where they had left their things for the day. She couldn’t stop herself from sobbing and she clapped a hand to her mouth to muffle the sound. 

Why couldn’t she have kept her mouth shut? This was _his family_. Why should they believe her? Why did she ever think she would find help here? 

She’d never felt so alone before.

Sarah heard the sound of a child running through the house and Sydney’s voice yelling, “Mommy? Mommy!” She scrambled to compose herself as Sydney appeared in the doorway, hair coming undone from her ponytail and bomb pop in hand. 

Sydney stared. “Why are you crying, Mommy?”

Sarah wiped her eyes. “I’m not, peanut. I just got something in my eyes.” 

Sydney didn’t seem to believe her. She held out her bomb pop to Sarah, eyes solemn. “I didn’t eat it yet.” 

That almost made Sarah start crying again. “Thank you, but that’s yours.” She didn’t have an appetite anyway. Grabbing the quilt, she stood. “Come on, let’s go watch fireworks.” 

Sydney held out her arms for Sarah to carry her. Sarah adjusted the quilt and did so. When they settled in to watch fireworks outside, Sydney insisted on sitting in Sarah’s lap.

Sarah held her daughter close and told herself everything would get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funnily enough, Mark is more fun to write than Charles is. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think <3


	8. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is mention of infant death and a difficult birth in this chapter.

February – late March 2011

**Esme’s POV**

Once our awkward family discussion was over and the others filed out of the dining room, Carlisle turned to me. “I’m sorry. I probably should have warned you what they were planning but I didn’t want to interrupt your time with Sarah and Sydney,” he said. 

I shook my head. “Don’t blame yourself.” I understood why they came up with this plan. I smiled slightly, still astounded by them wanting to help me vicariously. Though they – Rose especially – didn’t understand my reason for refusing. “Maybe it’s time to talk about what Edward did.” 

Carlisle frowned “Are you sure?” 

“I think so.” I’ve had to face other aspects of my past recently instead of pretending it didn’t still affect me. It was probably time to talk about this part. 

He seemed worried about me, but he cupped my face in his hands and rubbed his nose against mine. “Have I told you lately that I’m proud of you?” he whispered. 

“Hmm…” I faked thinking hard. “It’s been a few days.” 

He kissed me. “Well, I am.” 

I found Rose on the roof watching the sunset. The clouds stayed away enough so that we were treated with deep oranges and pinks and purples in the sky. Colorful sunsets were always my favorite. I made a mental note to paint this one later. At least there was that advantage to having a perfect vampire memory. 

As I settled in beside her, Rose said, “I really didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“I know.” 

“So what exactly is it that Edward did?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at me. 

She listened intently, her face betraying no reaction as I told the story. I could tell from the stillness inside the house that Emmett and Jasper were listening too. When I finished, she turned her gaze back to the sunset. “I hope you understand better why I said no.” 

“I do,” Rose said. “It makes sense.” After a few moments, she scoffed. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Just thinking of the times Edward gave me shit about killing Royce.” She shook her head. “And all this time he’d done the same thing.” 

I sighed. In a lot of ways, Edward was still very seventeen – stubborn, sure he was always right, and, despite being a mind reader, not actually good at understanding other people. “I know.” I nudged her. “Don’t give him too much shit back.” 

Rose gave me a martyred look. “Must I always take the high road?” 

“I said ‘too much’ which allows for some.” 

She laughed. “Okay, I won’t give him too much. Only for you.” She drew me into a hug, resting her chin on my head. “I love you.” There was always a fierceness in her voice when she said that. That’s how her love was – intense and willing to go to any lengths to protect us. I squeezed her closer, enjoying her embrace since she didn’t give out hugs often. 

“I love you too.” 

In the following weeks, I settled into a routine of picking up Sydney from school and meeting up with Sarah out in town. It surprised me how quickly this became normal and I found that I couldn’t imagine going back to before I met them both. 

A small part of me worried how I would handle the inevitable move away from Forks and having to leave them behind. But I silenced that worry. I had at least a few more years. 

Towards the end of March, I was staying with Sydney again while Sarah worked late. This time, I’d brought one my sketchbooks along and we spent the evening at the coffee table drawing together. I noticed she was left handed, just like I was before my schoolteachers made me learn to use my right hand. 

“Why did they do that?” Sydney asked when I shared that with her. 

“I’m not really sure, to be honest,” I told her and switched my pencil over to my left hand. 

Sydney watched me continue drawing with my left hand, completely comfortable with the switch, and then pick up her pencil with her right hand. She frowned. “This feels weird.” 

I laughed. “It takes a lot of practice.” 

When Sydney was long asleep, Sarah came home. She looked tired as usual after a long shift but she no longer was tense and wary coming in the door. “Hi,” she said in a low voice, hanging up her jacket and joining me on the couch. “It’s good be home.” 

Home. It was such a small thing, but the fact that she said it meant a lot. “Long day, huh?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Would you like some tea?” I offered.

Sarah let out a self-conscious laugh as she pulled her hair out of her bun. “Esme, I don’t have you around just to wait on me.” 

“You know I offer because I want to, silly.” 

She smiled at the nickname, though it was faintly incredulous. “Okay, tea sounds great.” 

As the I waited for the water to heat in the electric kettle, I asked, “How was work today?” 

Sarah shrugged. “Rather slow, actually.” 

“Do slow days ever make you wish something major would happen?” The water heated, I poured some into a mug and put in a bag of chamomile tea to seep. 

“Why, does Carlisle wish that?” Sarah asked with a laugh. 

I just winked at her. Of course, Carlisle didn’t wish harm on humans but he also didn’t like being at work and doing nothing. It just happened that being a doctor meant something had to go wrong for him to do his job. “Do you want honey in your tea?” I asked. 

“Please.” 

I added the honey and went back to the living room. 

“Carlisle offered to take care of discharging our last patient so I could leave a little early,” Sarah said. “Not a lot of doctors will do that.” 

“He likes to look out for the nurses.” I handed her the mug of tea and sat down again. 

“He’s also one of the few doctors out there that has legible handwriting.”

“Most of it looks like a toddler scribbled it?” To hear Josh and Amanda tell it, Dr. Snow and Dr. Gerandy were the worst offenders. 

Sarah nodded, rolling her eyes. “Your husband saves me a lot of time trying to decipher what he ordered.” She took a sip. “How did you meet him?” 

For a second, I almost told her about falling out of a tree. “He worked at the hospital where I had my son.” 

Sarah stared. “You have a son?” 

I’d gotten more comfortable talking about Charles but my son was still a hard topic. I hadn’t brought him up before now. “He– “ I let out a breath, feeling a pang in my chest. “He died a few days after birth. He was premature and had lung problems.” 

“God. I’m so sorry.” 

“It was very difficult.” An understatement. I didn’t know how to live after. 

Sarah fiddled with her necklace, a small saint medallion. “What was your son’s name?” 

“Jesse Michael.” It felt a little strange saying his name out loud. I only said it to myself, the closest I could get to praying. The concept of God taught in church never quite made sense to me, especially after everything I’d been though. In any case, Carlisle believed enough for the two of us. 

Sarah was lost in her thoughts, staring hard at her mug of tea. “Are you okay?” I asked.

She shook her head, as if clearing it. “Sorry. I was just remembering when Sydney was born. We thought we might lose her.” 

“May I ask what happened?” 

“Her umbilical cord was being compressed so they had to do an emergency c-section. She wasn’t breathing when she came out and they had to resuscitate her.” She said this in a clinical tone, like I’ve heard Carlisle use in the hospital, but her eyes betrayed the depth of feeling she had about it. She clenched a fist around her medallion now. 

“That sounds terrifying.” 

“It was.” Sarah suddenly looked rueful. “Doesn’t exactly compare to losing a baby, though.” 

“We’re just talking, not comparing,” I assured her. That was something the therapist running our group often said. Recovering from abuse was hard enough without comparing your experiences to others’. 

She made a face, knowing exactly what I was referencing, and took another drink. “So you met Carlisle at the hospital?” 

“Yes, I did. Not as his patient, though. It was a chance meeting.” Now I was suddenly nervous if she was going to ask specific details, something I didn’t think of when Rose and I came up with my cover backstory. 

But she didn’t. “How did you learn to trust him after what happened with your first husband?” 

“It wasn’t easy,” I said slowly. 

It had been immensely confusing to wake up to see Carlisle again – I thought he was gone forever – and a strange young man. Besides that, the sensory overload of greatly improved sight, hearing, and smell, plus the unquenchable burning in my throat, had made things very overwhelming. It took a while to adjust to my new body and new life before I could admit to Carlisle that my feelings hadn’t changed since I first met him. I’d been afraid as I did so, certain I would be rebuffed, but I wasn’t. 

The next challenge was in being honest about what happened with Charles. Carlisle had wanted to know how I ended up on that cliff. “I told him about my past experiences and he listened and was mindful about actions that may unintentionally upset me. We learned how to love each other well.” 

Sarah’s eyes were far away. “I can't see myself falling in love again. It seems impossible.”

I understood. I had felt the same way at one point. “Well, you're also at the beginning of getting out. You still need to give yourself time to recover.” 

“It gets better?” she asked with a disbelieving laugh and sat up to put her tea on the coffee table.

“It does.” I hadn’t believed that when my mother told me the same thing because there was no “getting better” with Charles. But outside of him, even through all the pain after, it did get better. “Though you still carry some of it with you.” 

“What if I'm not strong enough?” 

There was an unfathomable look in her eyes that made me pause. It was almost like she was trying to tell me something. “You are. You got yourself this far, right?” I said hesitantly. 

Sarah looked away and picked up one of the throw pillows. It had a gaudy flower print. “This pillow’s really ugly and kind of reminds me too much of my mother-in-law’s place.” 

I blinked at the sudden subject change. “Sydney was telling me earlier how she thought the bathroom wallpaper was ugly too,” I said, wondering if I should’ve let what we had been talking about go. 

“That’s my girl.” She stuffed the pillow back in the corner of the couch and sighed. “Well, beggars can’t be choosers. It was easier to find a rental that came furnished than worry about getting all new furniture.” 

That definitely explained why the house felt impersonal. “Maybe some time we could go shopping to get decorations that make this place feel more like you?” I suggested. 

Sarah smiled. “I’d like that.” 

The next week, I had a lot to think about after another support group meeting. Dr. Sanchez brought up triggers and how to manage them after one woman described being triggered by a scene in a movie. I certainly had experienced that before but I never had a word for it. 

And then it hit me what caused me to remember Charles so acutely lately. In hindsight, it was obvious and I didn’t know why I didn’t think of it. 

I found Carlisle in his study, reading the latest medical journal he got in the mail. “I figured it out,” I announced.

“What’s that?” he asked, eyebrows raised. 

“Why I’ve been so preoccupied with Charles lately.” I sat next to him and automatically reached for his hand. 

Carlisle set aside the journal. “And?” 

“When I went Christmas shopping with Rose in Seattle, one of the stores we went into smelled just like the house I shared with Charles.” I had left before we could really look inside. Rose had asked what was wrong, but I hadn’t been able to answer truthfully. I made an excuse that it wasn’t the right place for what I was looking for and hoped the alarm bells going off in my head would quiet on their own. 

Obviously, ignoring it hadn’t worked.

“That makes sense. Smell is powerfully connected to memory,” Carlisle said.

I could tell he was thinking about something. He was rubbing his thumb along my own, a subtle hint of nerves. “What is it?”

“So… it wasn’t something I did?” he asked very quietly. 

That made me sit up straight. “Have you been worrying about that this entire time?” 

Carlisle nodded, not looking me in the eye. 

I let out an exasperated sigh. “ _Carlisle_.”

“I know, darling,” he said sheepishly. 

“If you know, then why have you been keeping this from me?” 

“I thought you had enough on your plate,” he said with a shrug. 

Carlisle had a habit of keeping his emotions buried. It was a habit born out of the long years he spent alone with nobody he could truly be vulnerable with. He still fell back on it and I wished he wouldn’t, especially not about something like this. “No, it wasn’t something you did.” It was one of his fears, doing something that made him like Charles. “You didn’t have to spend all this time worrying.” 

“I’m sorry.”

I squeezed his hand. “You’re already forgiven.” 

He leaned his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me. “Thank goodness for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sydney will be back next chapter. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think <3


	9. Chapter 7

Sydney’s spring break, early April 2011

**Sydney’s POV**

It was Mom’s birthday and Esme and I were planning to surprise her when she got home from work. She hadn’t wanted to make a big deal out of her birthday since she had to work anyway but Esme wanted to do something. I suggested making her favorite blueberry lemon muffins, so that’s what we were going to do when she got here. 

I was in the living room, working on Mom’s birthday card while I waited for Esme. Earlier in the week, Esme took Mom and I up to Port Angeles for a shopping trip. It was to help make our new house feel like home. We got floating shelves that now hung over the TV and in the dining room and they had several succulents. Those were Mom’s favorite plants. The ugly flower throw pillows on the couch were replaced with ones that had a blue ombre pattern that reminded me of a mermaid’s tail. 

Esme and Mom had also asked me what I wanted and I was surprised. I’d never been asked about decorations outside of my own room before. But I suggested fairy lights. Angela had them in her bedroom and I thought they looked really pretty. Now we had fairy lights hanging over the big front window. 

The new stuff really did help. Alone in the house now, I felt more at ease than normal. 

When I heard a car door close outside, I checked out the window before hurrying to open the door. Esme smiled when she saw me and opened the passenger door of her car to get several bags – mostly grocery bags, but there was a small gift bag as well. “Hi,” she called. 

“Hi,” I replied. “Do you need help?” 

“Oh, no, I’ve got it, sweetheart. Thank you.” 

I could feel my face warm at the nickname. Nobody outside of family had called me that before. “Did you get everything?” I asked, backing up so that Esme could come in and shutting the door behind her.

“Yes, I did.” She winked and went over to the dining room to leave the gift bag on the table. 

“Can I see what you got her?” I asked. 

“Go ahead,” Esme said with a laugh as she set the grocery bags full of baking supplies on the kitchen counters.

I carefully pulled out the tissue paper and found a framed picture. In the picture, Mom was kissing my head while I had my eyes screwed shut and was holding in an embarrassed laugh. I thought I looked kind of dumb. Esme must have taken it when we went out to a beach in La Push a couple of weeks ago, though I didn’t remember seeing her do it. I put it back in the bag and made sure that it was completely covered again. 

“I hope your mom will like it,” Esme said. 

“She will.” I knew she would. We left all our pictures behind. I joined Esme in the kitchen and hopped up on the counter. “Can we go to the beach again tomorrow?” 

“Of course.” Esme cleared away the bags with an amused smile. “Now, you want to preheat the oven while I get out the bowls and things?” 

“Sure. What temperature again?” 

“375.” 

I leaned over to the stove and turned the knob to the right temp. Once Esme got the bowls and other utensils out, she guided me through the process of baking the muffins. She must’ve had a really good memory because she didn’t even seem to need to look up the recipe. 

As she helped me zest a lemon into the butter, I wrinkled my nose at the strong citrus smell. She saw that and said, “You remember Emmett, my sister-in-law’s boyfriend?” 

I nodded. 

“He told me about a classmate of his that eats a lemon every time they’re in class.” 

I frowned. “That’s weird.” 

“That’s what Emmett thought too.” She handed me a cup of sugar. “Now you can add this.” 

I dumped the sugar in and started mixing it. “If he can eat lemons like that, I bet Warheads wouldn’t bother him.” My cousins and I used to play a game where we had to keep a straight face while eating a Warhead. 

“Warheads?” Esme asked, confused. 

“They’re a really sour candy. You’ve never had them?” 

“I can’t say that I have,” she said lightly. 

From there, Esme handed me the rest of the ingredients to mix in, letting me do most of the work. She said it was because the muffins were my idea. 

Once we got to the part where the batter was ready to put into the muffin pans, I asked, “When’s your birthday?”

“October 4th. What about yours?” 

“November 19th.” 

Esme smiled at that. “That’s also my husband’s birthday.” 

“Oh. Cool.” 

The first time I saw Carlisle was before Mom started going to group where we met Esme. One afternoon, Mom brought me back to the hospital after picking me up from school. I was hanging out in the lounge when one doctor got angry with Mom about something. I didn’t know what; as soon as he raised his voice, I froze up. Carlisle intervened, stepping between the doctor and Mom, to calm things down. 

I didn’t make the connection that Carlisle had been Esme’s husband until a couple of weeks ago when he joined me and Esme at the park. 

I found I didn’t mind sharing a birthday with him. 

The batter all in the pans, we put them into the oven and set a timer. I put the finishing touches on Mom’s card while Esme drew in her own sketchbook. She always had it with her now whenever we hung out together and I liked having someone to draw with. 

Once the timer went off, a strange thing happened as I was carefully getting the muffins out of the oven. The pans were still very hot when Esme grabbed one without an oven mitt to make room for the other on the counter. She caught me staring and a second too late, withdrew her hand and exclaimed, “Ouch!” She moved over to the sink to put her hand under running water.

It was like she had to remember that touching a hot pan hurt. “Are you okay?” I asked. 

Esme stared at her hand under the faucet as if embarrassed. “Um. Yeah, I’m fine, Sydney.” I watched her silently, unsure of what this meant. After a moment, Esme sighed and shut the water off. 

“I’m fine,” she repeated. “Please don’t worry about it.” Her golden eyes were bright and it seemed like this was something she didn’t want to talk about. 

I didn’t understand why. Not being hurt couldn’t be a bad thing, but I said, “Okay.” 

Esme gave me a tentative smile. “I guess we should let those cool.” 

“Yeah,” I agreed. I took the hand that she pretended had been burned. It didn’t look red at all and was cold as usual. She went still as if worried, but I asked, “Want to watch a movie while we wait?” Mom wouldn’t be home for a while. 

“Sure,” Esme said in an oddly shaky voice. 

The closer it got for Mom to get home, the more I was filled with nervous excitement. I really hoped that she like what Esme and I did. Esme noticed and helped me filter that excitement by suggesting we arrange everything on the table. We were in the middle of doing that when Mom came in the door. 

“What’s all this?” Mom asked, surprised.

“Happy birthday!” Esme said with a smile.

“Happy birthday!” I echoed. “We made your favorite muffins.” 

“You did?” Mom said. She looked happier than I had seen her in a while. 

Esme nudged me and winked at Mom. “It was Sydney’s idea and she did all the work.” 

I ducked my head. 

Mom pulled me into a hug and kissed me. “Thank you, peanut.” 

I held onto her longer than I normally did. “I love you.” 

Mom kissed me again. “Love you.” She let go of me and then hugged Esme and thanked her too. 

She loved everything – my card, Esme’s gift, and the muffins. 

The next day was overcast and windy, but at least it wasn’t raining yet. I gazed out at the ocean, watching the white capped waves crash to shore, and outstretched my arms. A big gust of wind pushed me back into Esme. 

“Don’t get blown away,” she teased. 

I grinned up at her. “I’ll try.”

“Good. I don’t want to have to explain to your mom.” 

I laughed. 

We had lunch earlier in Esme’s car, since it was a little too chilly with the wind to sit outside. Or rather, I had lunch. Esme said she had a big breakfast and wasn’t hungry. I noticed she did that a lot and wondered if it had something to do with her not getting burned. I wanted to know but I wasn’t going to ask. I didn’t want to upset her. 

First Beach wasn’t crowded and the water was too cold to go swimming, but that was okay with me. I liked being here, listening to the waves and the gulls and climbing on the various pieces of driftwood. I was almost tempted to do an aerial on one, like it was a balance beam, but I could hear my mom’s voice in my head tell me not to. 

“You know, before coming here to Forks, I’ve only been to the beach once,” I said. 

“Really?” 

I nodded. “We took a vacation to California and went to Disneyland and stuff when I was five.” I didn’t remember much of it, just vague memories of going on rides and then Dad lifting me up to a chin up bar on a beach. The beach was very different from this one – bright blue water, white sand, and sun. “Mom says that was before.” 

Esme frowned, confused. “Before what?” 

“Before Dad got mean.” 

Esme made a low sympathetic noise. 

“But I don’t really remember _before_. Dad was just…like that.” I didn’t know why I was talking about this. My stomach knotted and I felt jittery. I kept walking, focusing on the big island offshore. “He’d get angry out of nowhere. But he could also be really nice and fun. It was confusing.” 

“I understand why that would be confusing,” Esme said. She must have seen my tension because she touched my shoulder. “You know you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.” 

“I know.” Esme hadn’t ever pushed me into talking, which was why I felt like I could. My English teacher here once tried to get me to talk because she thought I was too sad, but that only made me feel weird and singled out. 

We got as far as we could walk on one end of the beach and turned around to go back. I wanted to go back to talking about fun things, but I suddenly couldn’t get a memory out of my head. Chewing my lip, I peeked up at Esme. “One time – “ I started and trailed off as my heart started beating faster. 

Esme looked at me with steady eyes. “I’m listening.” 

I stopped walking and fixed my gaze back on the waves. It was easier to talk about it this way. “In fourth grade, I was having trouble with math homework. I was frustrated and crying and then Dad threw my workbook and started yelling at me.” It was hard to remember. I could picture him throwing my workbook across the room but if anyone asked me specifically what he yelled, I couldn’t say. 

“Where was your mom?” Esme asked. 

“I don’t know. Work, maybe.” Everything else about that day was gone. Just that one awful moment remained, so that it started feeling like I made the whole thing up. 

“Did you ever tell her about it?” 

I shook my head. 

“Why not?” 

I shrugged and started walking again. I saw Esme fall into step with me from the corner of my eye. “I guess I thought I deserved it.” Maybe the math hadn’t actually been that hard and I was overreacting. 

Esme stopped and I turned to look at her. She had a fierce, almost angry expression on her face and for a second I worried it was at me. “Sydney, you absolutely did not deserve that.” 

All of a sudden, I started crying. It startled me and I covered my face with my hands, embarrassed. I didn’t know why I was crying, but I couldn’t make myself stop. I felt Esme put her arms around me and hold me close. 

“You didn’t deserve it,” she said again softly and stroked the back of my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a brief mention of rape towards the end of the chapter. Also, if you look up weirdest things removed from the human body, inevitably you will find men doing the same as Carlisle's patient.

_A Saturday in late April 2011_

**Carlisle’s POV**

I’ve never regretted my choice to become a doctor. I’ve seen so much fascinating medical advancement in my years. There was always something new to learn, which suited my endless curiosity. I’ve saved people thanks to my vampire reflexes and senses. On the whole it’s been fulfilling work. 

But then there was the not-so-glamorous side. Namely, dealing with men that had foreign objects stuck up their asses (and not in the figurative sense.) It wasn’t something I exactly dreamed about during those long years of studying and pushing the boundaries of my thirst. 

“Carlisle, please, let me help with this one,” Josh said, unable to keep from laughing. 

I suppressed a sigh. "What are you, a teenager?" 

"Come on, grandpa, a zucchini ass is hilarious." 

It took everything within me to not laugh, which was why I wasn’t going to let him help me. I need to keep my composure and be professional about this, no matter how amusing this case was. 

Right then, Sarah came up to finish a chart for her other patient. "Sarah," I called while staring directly at Josh. 

"Really?" Josh complained. I raised my eyebrows at him. 

"Yes?" Sarah said in a confused tone, looking between me and Josh. 

I flashed her a smile. "I have a patient I could use your help with." 

“Now you’re just being spiteful,” Josh muttered. 

I shooed him away. “Shouldn’t you be discharging the patient that needed stitches in bed three?” Josh shot me a glare and left to do that. He’d get over missing out. Eventually.

“What patient?” Sarah asked. 

"The thirty-five year old male that came in about a half hour ago. Patient reported having a zucchini stuck in his rectum." 

Sarah blinked. "Seriously?" 

"Seriously. I wouldn't joke about this." At least not until the patient was long out of my care. I wondered what excuse for it I would hear this time. 

She rolled her eyes. "Why does this always happen?” she asked in a weary and exasperated tone.

“So you’ve had patients like this before too?” 

“Hasn’t everyone?” she asked wryly. She closed the chart she was working on and handed it to the charge nurse. “I’m ready.” 

Once the extraction was finished and the patient was discharged, Sarah and I headed over to the hospital cafeteria for a late lunch break. Someone must have thought they were being clever when they named the cafeteria ‘Spoons.’ It was the sort of joke that Emmett enjoyed. 

I didn’t come down here frequently, most of the time pretending to bring food from home and eating in my office. I followed Sarah through the line and watched as she turned her nose up at a dish that had zucchini. 

“I don’t think I can eat a zucchini again,” Sarah muttered. 

I laughed. “I can’t say I blame you.”

She settled for a sandwich and fries. I decided to get the sandwich too and some coffee. Once we found a table, Sarah scoffed and shook her head. “I don’t know how they always expect us to buy the excuse that they fell on it.”

“Ah, but you’re forgetting the most interesting part,” I said, smirking. “He fell on it while gardening in the middle of the night.” 

Sarah laughed. “I mean, if you want to do that, nobody’s stopping you.” She dipped a couple of fries in ketchup and popped them in her mouth. That reminded me to eat and I took the smallest bite of sandwich I could get away with. “Also that would mean he was gardening naked,” she added. 

Like most of the excuses, our patient’s fell apart the longer you thought about it. Because somehow coming up with an elaborate, unbelievable excuse is less embarrassing than admitting to masturbating. “I always want to tell them that we’ll judge them far less if they’re honest about what they were doing.” 

“And there are sex toys specifically for that.” 

I choked out a laugh just as I was pretending to sip my coffee and spilled some on the table. 

Sarah reached across the table for the napkin dispenser and handed me a couple. “I can’t believe I just said that out loud at work,” she said, looking anywhere but at me, her cheeks turning red. 

“At least one of us was brave enough to say it.” 

“If you say so,” Sarah said and busied herself with eating. Despite the embarrassment, she was relaxed.

I was glad that she felt comfortable enough now to joke and commiserate about patients, especially after Esme cleared up her misunderstanding about me. I still regretted that Sarah felt like she had to be on guard around me. It had come on the heels of Dr. Snow being an ass to her. It couldn’t have been easy to work around an unnecessarily hostile doctor and another one that you feared might be an abuser. 

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and when I fished it out, I saw a text from Esme, as if summoned by thinking about her. She was spending time with Sydney as had become routine in the past several weeks.

_I’m coming in with Sydney. She fell at the park and seems to have broken her arm._

My amusement slipped away and I looked up at Sarah. She immediately noticed the change in my demeanor. “What?” 

Before I could answer, her phone started to ring. “Hello?” Sarah answered, already on alert. I could hear Esme tell her exactly what she told me in text. Panic flashed in her eyes and she nearly upended the chair as she stood and rushed out. I followed close behind her. 

Back at the ER, Esme and Sydney came through the doors. Sydney held her right arm close to her body and there was already swelling around her wrist. Her face was pale and taut with pain. While Sarah ran up to them, I went to the front desk to see what room was available to them.

“What’s going on there?” Josh asked, staring over at the three of them. 

“Possible broken wrist,” I answered. “You want to help me with this?” 

“Sure,” he agreed.

We brought Sydney and Sarah back to an exam room, while Esme stayed behind in the waiting room. Josh got started taking Sydney’s vitals. “Ouch, kiddo,” he said conversationally. “What happened?” 

Sydney stared vaguely at the floor until Sarah touched her shoulder. “I slipped playing tag with Angela and her brothers,” she said in a flat voice. 

“That’ll do it.” Josh removed the blood pressure cuff and wrote the numbers down in her chart. 

The faraway look in her eyes bothered me. “Sydney, did you hit your head at all when you fell?” I asked, wanting to rule out a concussion. She shook her head. 

“All right, can I see your wrist?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sarah’s hand twitch, as if she wished she could do the assessment herself. As gently as I could, I rotated Sydney’s wrist around, checking range of motion. She inhaled sharply and winced. “I’m sorry.”

“Can we get her something for the pain?” Sarah asked, rubbing Sydney’s back. 

“Of course.” Once Josh left to get the pain medication I ordered, I said, “It looks like you do have a fracture. I’ll book an x-ray so we can see how bad it is, okay?” 

Sydney nodded once, still not looking anyone in the eye. I wondered if it was something beyond the pain. 

Josh came back with medicine and an ice pack while I went to see about the x-ray. Radiology wasn’t very busy at the moment so getting the images didn’t take long. Thankfully, Sydney’s fracture wouldn’t require anything more than a cast. 

“It’s a distal radial fracture,” I said. The images were up on the light board in the exam room and I pointed out where the break was for Sydney. “Can you see it?” 

There was a flicker of interest in her eyes. “Yeah.” 

Sarah examined the images with a more critical eye, but she seemed relieved that the fracture wasn’t as bad as it could have been. “So she’ll just need a cast for at least six weeks?” 

I nodded. “I was thinking I’d start her in a cast over the elbow for more stability and then have her come back in two weeks for new images. Then hopefully transition her to a short arm cast. Does that sound okay to you?” 

“It does,” Sarah said with a sigh and she kissed Sydney’s head. 

“Now, I have a very important question to ask you, Sydney,” I said. She tilted her head in confusion. “What color cast do you want?” 

A ghost of a smile flitted across Sydney’s face. “Purple?” 

I winked. “You got it.” 

Once I got the right color casting tape, I got to work. “Now, you’re going to have to be careful to keep this dry. I know that might be tricky considering how much it rains here,” I said as I wrapped Sydney’s wrist. 

Sydney shifted uncomfortably. “I know.” 

“Broken a bone before?” 

When Sydney didn’t answer, Sarah said, “Two years ago, after tripping down the front porch steps.” 

I had a suspicion that that might not be the case, given Sydney’s reaction, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. “I guess you don’t really need the reminder since you already have experience,” I said lightly. “I’ll also get you a prescription for the pain to take as needed.” 

“How’s your pain now?” Sarah asked Sydney when I finished. 

Sydney shrugged. “Better.” She frowned at her newly casted arm. “I hate casts,” she muttered. 

“Well, at least it’s not your left arm,” Sarah said in an attempt to lighten the mood. She brushed a piece of hair behind Sydney’s ear. “Like last time.” 

“Last time – “ The words burst out of Sydney. Her heart raced and I could smell the adrenaline flooding her system. 

Sarah frowned. “What is it?” 

Sydney took a few shaky breaths. “The last time I broke my arm, Dad said I tripped.”

I paused in filling out the rest of Sydney’s chart and my fist tightened on the pen. I didn’t like where I thought this was heading. 

“Yes?” Sarah prompted. 

“I didn’t trip.” 

A look of absolute dread passed over Sarah’s face. “What do you mean?” 

“Dad pushed me.”

Sydney’s voice was almost inaudible but Sarah flinched as if she had shouted. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” she demanded, voice rough with a mix of anger and horror. 

Sydney burst into tears. “I’m sorry!” she sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” 

“No.” Sarah gathered Sydney into her arms. “You don’t have to be sorry, baby.” Her voice cracked and when she glanced at me, I could see she was struggling to hold back tears of her own.

I quietly excused myself from the room to give them some privacy. Once I closed the door behind me, I had to take a steadying breath and work to unclench my jaw and fist. It was like in the days when Esme told me about what happened with Charles. Just when I thought I had heard everything, I learned something new of Charles’s depravity and it was excruciating to hear every time. 

Esme was still in the waiting area and one look at her face told me that she had been listening in on what Sydney had revealed. She had a hand over her mouth, eyes wide in shock. I went over to hug her. “Carlisle,” she whispered and I could hear the undercurrent of anger there. 

“I know.” I kissed her forehead and breathed in her sweet scent. It was usually soothing to me. “I’m going to see if I can get Sarah off so she can go home with Sydney. She’ll probably need you.” 

Esme nodded. She was the only one who could fully understand what Sarah would be going through right now. “I’ll see you later, then,” she said and kissed me. 

I squeezed her hand before going to take care of Sarah’s schedule and to get Sydney discharged. 

**Esme’s POV**

“I can take care of dinner,” I offered. 

After leaving the ER, I followed Sarah and Sydney home. Carlisle had been right about Sarah probably needing someone. Sydney’s revelation was obviously weighing on her as she moved around the kitchen and got out ingredients for Tuscan soup. Her movements were distracted; more than once she looked for something she already got out and she kept picking up and putting down her phone.

I was also horrified by Sydney’s revelation, but, at the same time, proud of her for finally talking about. I had the sense that what she told me at La Push was only the tip of the iceberg and it must have been hard to keep quiet about it for years. 

But there was also a fallout to deal with after revealing something that big. I glanced at Sydney. She lounged on the couch with her cast propped up on a pillow as she watched a movie. She had her eyes on the screen, but it seemed like she was keeping track of what Sarah was doing.

Sarah shook her head. “I need to keep myself busy right now,” she insisted, jerkily opening a package of sausage. 

“Okay,” I agreed, if only because I knew how that felt. “You keep an eye on the meat and I’ll chop these.” I gestured to the potatoes, onions, and kale.

I didn’t want to risk Sarah cutting herself accidentally and having to go back to the ER. Not to mention I didn’t want to be tempted by my thirst. Sarah and Sydney definitely didn’t need to deal with that tonight.

I cut up all the potatoes and vegetables before the meat had finished cooking and we got the soup made without a hitch. Dinner was fairly quiet. Sarah let Sydney eat at the coffee table so she could still watch her movie. I sat with Sarah at the table and ate the soup. After my mishap with the muffins, I was trying to be more careful with the human charade. Sarah mostly played with her own soup, her blue eyes stormy with thoughts as she stared at her phone. 

I wished I had Edward’s gift, or at least had him around, so I knew what was going on in her head and how best to help her. 

The rest of the evening passed. I helped Sarah with the dishes and when it came time for Sydney to go to bed, I listened to Sarah read _Anne of Green Gables_ to her until she fell asleep. 

Sarah stayed with her for a while after that. Then I heard her carefully ease off the bed and kiss Sydney. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

When she came out the living room, she looked at me with teary eyes. She tilted her head towards the back sliding door and I followed her out to the porch. 

It was cool and misty outside and the night air was filled with the sounds of crickets and tree frogs. Sarah stared off into the trees, clutching her phone to her chest. She took a few uneven breaths before unlocking her phone and turning to me. She handed me her phone with the keypad screen pulled up. There was a number across the top, ready to be dialed. “I need you to hang onto my phone before I call Mark.” 

Confused alarm shot through me. “Why do you want to call him?” 

“To give him a piece of my fucking mind for hurting Sydney and lying to me about it!” Sarah’s voice was distorted with rage and tears fell down her face. 

I locked Sarah’s phone and pocketed it, just to give me time to form a response. “It won’t have the effect you want,” I said slowly. “If he’s lied about it this whole time, he’s not going to admit to it now. And you’ll give him a way to get back in your life again.” I intimately understood the impulse, though. I had my fair share of fantasies about telling Charles exactly what I thought about him. 

“I know!” Sarah snapped. “God. I know.” She sat on the porch steps and put her head in her hands. In all the time I’d known her, I hadn’t seen her look so defeated as she did now. I sat with her and rubbed her back. 

Sarah lifted her head. “All those times he ever laid a hand on me, that time he forced me…” she started. My breath caught. She’d never mentioned that before in our support group or privately. “All of that doesn’t matter. I’d let him do it all again if it meant Sydney wouldn’t be hurt. I don’t care what you do to me, don’t hurt my daughter.” She shook her head and exhaled heavily. “Though I probably screwed her up by staying so long anyway. I’m supposed to protect her and I didn’t know.” Her voice broke. 

“It’s not your fault. He’s too good at lying and manipulating.” The words felt trite and hollow, but it was the only thing I could think to say. “You got Sydney out because you wanted better for her and you are building that better life for her now. Don’t lose sight of that.” 

Sarah sniffled, wiping her face, and nodded. 

We sat in the quiet and my mind kept going back to one thing Sarah said. It seemed Sydney wasn’t the only one who had a big revelation today. “You said – “ I hesitated. “You said Mark raped you?” The word tasted awful in my mouth. 

Sarah stared into the dark for a long time. “It was the final straw,” she whispered. And then, like a dam bursting, Sarah leaned into me and sobbed. 

Sarah cried herself out and then I took her hand and guided her back inside. “Can you stay?” she asked. “I don’t want to be alone.” 

“Of course.” I was already planning to. 

She found me an extra pair of pajamas and a blanket for the couch before retreating to her bedroom. I texted Carlisle to tell him I’d be staying. I stared for a long time at the ‘I love you’ in his reply, feeling totally drained. I knew I would have to talk to him about everything that Sarah told me because of how much it overlapped with my own experience, but I couldn’t do it right now. 

So I called Emmett. 

He picked up after one ring. “You’ve reached Emmett, Bear Hunter Extraordinaire. How can I help you?” 

Hearing his voice made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. “Hi, Emmett,” I managed, my voice strangled with conflicting emotions. I kept my voice low enough that only another vampire would hear it.

“You don’t sound so good, Esme. What’s up?” 

I cleared my throat. “I just needed to hear your voice. Tell me something funny, tell me about your day. Anything.” I needed distraction. 

Emmett didn’t ask questions. “I can do that.” He launched into a story about an intense Mario Kart battle he had with Rosalie and Jasper and then we ended up watching _The Twilight Zone_ on Netflix together. 

It was about two in the morning when I heard Sydney wake up and quietly pad out to the living room. I quickly said goodbye to Emmett. If she was surprised to see me still awake, she didn’t say. “What’s wrong?” I asked when she curled up on the couch next to me. 

She lifted her casted arm. “It’s hard to get comfortable with this. And it hurts again.” 

I didn’t want to wake Sarah to ask if it was okay for Sydney to have more medication, since she only just got to sleep after a long time tossing and turning. So I quickly texted Carlisle about it. After getting confirmation that Sydney could have more, I got a pill out for her and a glass of water. 

When Sydney handed me her empty glass, I asked, “Do you want me to tuck you back in bed?”

Sydney shook her head. She chewed on her lip, worrying about something. “Is Mom mad at me?” she whispered. 

I sighed, my heart aching, and put an arm around her. “No, Sydney. She’s mad _for_ you.” I wasn’t surprised she picked up on Sarah’s anger. It would be hard for her not to interpret it as being directed at her. “What your dad did was very wrong and you didn’t deserve it.” 

I had the feeling she needed to hear that again. 

Sydney blinked furiously and pressed her face into my shoulder. “Can I stay out here for a little bit?” she asked, voice muffled. 

“Until you get tired again,” I said, holding her tighter. 

“Okay.” 

I switched Netflix over to _Avatar the Last Airbender_ for her and we watched an episode. The entire time, Sydney stayed curled up against me with her head on my shoulder. It didn’t take long for her to nearly fall asleep again and I gently nudged her. “Let’s get you back in bed.” 

Sydney nodded, too tired to form a coherent response, and I followed her to her room. She clambered into bed, grabbing her stuffed Stitch and holding him tightly to her chest. I drew up blanket over her and kissed her forehead. “Good night, sweetheart.” 

“Good night, Esme.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who's read and commented/gave kudos :)


	11. Chapter 9

_May 2011_

**Sydney’s POV**

“You ready?” Carlisle asked.

I nodded. “Shorter cast this time, right?” 

Carlisle chuckled. “That’s still the plan.” 

“Good, because this type of cast sucks.” It didn’t matter if it wasn’t my writing arm. It was still two weeks of awkwardly trying to put on shirts and do my hair. The only thing I sort of regretted was that Angela and Jessica had drawn on it and now it was getting cut off. Jessica had drawn a dog with a mustache, while Angela had drawn a bunch of flowers. 

“I know, I’m sorry about that.” 

I wasn’t sure why he was apologizing. But I didn’t say anything because Carlisle started the saw and it was loud. I made a face at my mom and put a steady hand on my back. He cut through my cast and gently broke it open. My arm felt weird without the weight and my wrist still had deep purple bruises. 

“Ew,” I said. 

“It won’t always look like that,” Carlisle assured me. He gestured with the cast. “Do you want to keep this or no?” 

“Nah.” 

Carlisle smiled. “Okay, into the trash then,” he said as he chucked it in the bin. “I’ll go see if x-ray is ready for you.” 

It still hurt to have to rotate my wrist for the x-ray like the tech told me but at least it was quick. Soon enough, I was back in the room looking that images on the whiteboard. 

“Your x-rays look good,” Carlisle said. “You’re healing up nicely.” 

“It just looks like a fuzzy line now.” I remembered how I could see a crack in my bone the last time. It was really weird and cool to see my bones. 

“It’s where new bone is growing,” Mom said. She nudged my shoulder. “You remember what that bone is called?” 

“Radius,” I answered. 

Carlisle glanced at Mom with a smile and then pointed to the bone opposite of the radius. “What about this one?” 

“Ulna. And then it’s the carpals, metacarpals, and phalanges,” I said, naming the rest of the bones I could see on my x-ray. Mom taught me. 

Mom ran a hand over my hair, smiling proudly. “She was my little study buddy.” 

“Sounds like she made an excellent study buddy. Maybe she should take over for you,” Carlisle said with a wink and Mom laughed. 

I ducked my head at the praise. I remembered sharing snacks with Mom and drawing on scrap paper she gave me while she poured over books. Sometimes she took me to class with her and I thought it was fun that the two of us were in school at the same time. 

“Let’s get the new cast on. Do you want purple again or a different color?” Carlisle asked. 

“Purple’s cool.” 

As Carlisle was wrapping my wrist in the new cast, I noticed he has the same cold hands as Esme. He had the same golden eyes too. I couldn’t decide if it was weird or not. Some people had the same eye color, but still. I’ve never seen anyone have gold eyes like theirs. 

“So, did you know all the carpal bones have names too?” Carlisle asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. 

“Uh, no?” 

“I may have left them out,” Mom said. 

Carlisle raised his eyebrows. “Really? That’s not like you. You’re usually very thorough.” 

Mom shrugged. “I didn’t want to overload her.”

“That’s fair.” 

I hoped they weren’t going to bring the names up and then not tell me. “What are they?” 

Carlisle looked at Mom, but Mom gestured at him. “Trapezium, trapezoid, scaphoid, capitate, hamate, lunate, triquetral, and pisiform,” he listed. 

“Trapezium and trapezoid…that’s confusing.” How did anyone remember that?” 

“And then there’s the trapezius, but that’s a muscle,” Mom added. 

“Did they run out of names?” I would have named them all differently. 

Carlisle laughed. “Blame it all on the Greek and Latin roots.” He put the finishing touches on my cast. “You are good to go. That should stay on another four weeks and then you’ll be out of it. You might have to wear a brace after that, but we’ll see when the time comes.” 

“Cool,” I said and rotated my arm around, grateful to be able to bend my elbow again. 

The next week, Mom and I were up in Port Angeles to get out of the house for a bit. It felt a little strange to be without Esme. She told us she had to be out of town this weekend. I knew she wouldn’t be gone long and I would see her again soon, but I missed her and I think Mom did too. She felt like family and made us feel like we belonged here. 

“Can we stop by the library? I need something new to read,” I said. We finally had a library card so we could check stuff out now. I finished _Anne of Green Gables_ days ago and I was not in the mood to reread any of the other books I had. 

After we wandered around the library and check out a stack of books, Mom said, “I’m craving some ice cream. What about you?” 

I grinned. “Funny, so am I.” 

We stopped by a local ice cream shop. I didn’t get my usual favorite flavor – chocolate chip cookie dough – because it was also Dad’s favorite. I got mint chocolate cone instead, while Mom got blackberry in a bowl and we sat together on a bench outside the shop. 

“Summer’s coming up soon. What do you think you want to do?” Mom asked after a while. 

“I don’t know.” Usually summers meant a big family camping trip somewhere with my aunts and uncles and cousins, but obviously that wouldn’t be happening this year. Last year’s trip was fun, if I ignored the stony silence between Mom and Dad the entire time. 

Mom stirred her ice cream. “I saw they have a gym here. Would you like to get back into gymnastics?” 

I’d been missing gymnastics a lot lately. “Yes! Only –“ 

“Only what?”

“I didn’t bring any of my leotards. Or my grips.” I didn’t think to pack them the day we left. 

Mom shrugged. “We’ll get you new ones. It’s not a big deal.” 

“Are you sure?” It seemed like a big deal to me. 

“Yes, I’m sure.” She eyed my ice cream cone. “Can I have a bite of yours?” 

“If I can have one of yours,” I said. 

“You drive a hard bargain, Syd.”

“Not hard, just fair.” 

We traded ice cream bites, laughing, and then her face became serious. “What is it, Mom?” 

She didn’t answer right away and she stared at my cast. “Everything I do is for you, peanut. But I’m realizing I have failed you in a lot of ways and I’m so sorry for that.” Her voice shook and she looked away, dabbing with a finger under one eye. 

I shifted uncomfortably. It was a strange thing to see Mom cry, even if she always did her best to hide it from me. 

“I’ve been thinking about us being in this together but now I know you have your own experiences with Dad that I didn’t have. I hope you’ll tell me more about them.” Mom shrugged, an uncertain smile on her face. “When you’re ready?” 

I stared at the grass, not knowing what to feel. But I wasn’t sure I liked her blaming herself. I was the one that didn’t say anything about Dad. 

I leaned into her side and wrapped my arms around her. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Mom whispered into my hair. 

Esme returned and the week passed with our usual routine. As Memorial Day weekend came closer, we planned a day trip to Seattle. Mom and I hadn’t had much of a chance to see the city before and Esme thought it would be good for us to get out. We left early on Saturday and it turned out to be a beautiful sunny day. One of the first things we did when we got to the city was go on the Seattle Great Wheel. 

“This is even higher up close.” Mom tipped her head back to look at the top. She really didn’t like heights. “So this is how I die.”

It really was much taller when you got up close to it. The only Ferris wheels I’d ever been on were the kinds found at carnivals. 

“We don’t have to go on,” Esme said. 

“No, no. I’m going with you guys. Just let me have my gallows humor about it, Esme.” 

Esme laughed, squeezing Mom’s arm. “I wouldn’t have you do something where you could die.” 

“I know.” 

The cars were mostly glass so you could look out over the city and the bay. As our car slowly went up, I saw ferries on the water and the distant mountains and the Space Needle. I thought it was really cool up here, like nothing could touch us. 

“Why is it stopping? I don’t like this,” Mom muttered when our car drifted to a halt.

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s so you can enjoy the view,” Esme assured her. 

“I could enjoy the view just fine on the ground.” 

“You’re doing great, Mom,” I said, patting her leg. 

“Thanks, peanut.” 

Esme lifted her phone. “Can I get a picture of you two?” 

I scooted closer to Mom and Esme snapped a photo. “Come take some with us,” I said, waving her over to our side of the car. A look passed over Esme’s face, like she it surprised her she’d be wanted in a picture with us. She settled in beside me and held out her phone so the three of us were in frame. We spent the rest of the ride taking pictures of ourselves, including goofy ones, and that effectively distracted Mom from her nerves. 

“You’ll send me some of those, right?” Mom asked. 

“Of course,” Esme said. 

“Esme!” someone called as we got off. 

It was a tall, muscular guy with dark curly hair. He was accompanied by a very pretty girl and another guy, both of whom had blond hair. They looked like twins. Esme laughed when she saw them and the tall guy caught her up in a big hug. I pressed closer to Mom, watching the newcomers shyly.

“What are you doing here?” Esme asked, giving the other two hugs as well.

“We were in the neighborhood,” the girl said. 

“Felt too cooped up studying for exams,” the dark haired guy said. “We wanted to finally meet your friends.”

Esme waved at us to join them. 

“Is this the famous Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper?” Mom asked. 

“Oh no, what has Carlisle told you?” Emmett said with a laugh.

“Only that sometimes he swears you’re going to give him gray hair.” 

Emmett waved that away with a roll of his eyes. “He exaggerates.” 

Rosalie shook her head. “Actually, he doesn’t.” 

“Babe!” 

I hung back, watching them talk with Esme and Mom. All of them had the same golden eyes and pale features as Esme and Carlisle. Now, for Rosalie and Jasper, it made sense. They were Carlisle’s siblings. But for Esme and Emmett… 

I wasn’t sure why it bothered me so much. So what if they had strange colored eyes? They were good to me and Mom. 

Jasper hung back, hands in his pockets. He seemed like me, on the awkward edge of the conversation. He met my eyes and gave me a little wave. I waved back, embarrassed he caught me staring, and then wandered over to the edge of the pier. I leaned my elbows on the rail, mesmerized by the way the sunlight sparkled and dance on the water. I’d seen paintings of the ocean where the artist somehow managed to capture the light and the motion of the water. I wondered if I would be able to do the same someday. 

“Hey, kid.”

I jumped when Emmett joined me at the rail. He moved so quietly I didn’t even hear him come up. His height made him seem intimidating at first glance, but he flashed me an easy smile. It made a dimple pop out in his cheek and somehow, I knew I would be safe around him. “Hi.”

Emmett tipped his head toward the bay. “You know how the ocean says hello?”

I squinted up at him. Was he trying to make a joke? “It waves?” 

“So you’ve heard that one before,” Emmett said with a wink. 

Hasn’t everyone heard that joke? It wasn’t very original. 

“Guess I’ll have to find one you don’t know,” Emmett continued, not bothered by my silence. 

“Maybe one that doesn’t come on a popsicle stick,” I finally said. 

Emmett let out a loud, booming laugh. “Challenge accepted.” He glanced back at the others. “So we’re going to the aquarium next?” 

“You’re coming too?” I didn’t know that was part of the plan. 

“Do you mind us crashing your party?” 

He seemed fun to be around, so I shook my head. 

Emmett held out his hand for a high five. “Good, because I know a lot of shark facts.” I shyly returned his high five. 

His hand was cold too.

It was a short walk over to the aquarium from the Great Wheel. Rosalie hung out with Esme and Mom, while Emmett took me around the aquarium with Jasper. He wasn’t lying about knowing a lot of shark facts, like he knew that the dogfish swimming around the tank were venomous. But it wasn’t only sharks. He knew a lot about everything, pointing out different fish to me. 

He also said some weird stuff. 

As we were looking at the seals, he said, “That seal looked at me funny. I’m gonna eat him.” 

Jasper sighed. “Don’t eat the seal, Emmett,” he said in a low, weary voice. 

“No, I’m gonna.” 

“Emmett.” Jasper shot a meaningful look at me. 

I blinked and drifted back to Mom, Esme, and Rosalie. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to hear that? Esme and Rosalie looked mildly exasperated like they heard what Emmett said too. We continued wandering the aquarium and I almost wished I had something to draw on. There were so many fish with different colors and patterns. 

I was close to Emmett and Jasper again around the tanks with the jellyfish. 

“Imagine that, jellyfish have been around for 500 million years and they don’t even have brains,” Emmett said, tapping gently on the glass where a moon jelly floated languidly. 

“You don’t have brains either,” Jasper muttered. 

“You are in a mood, Jazzman.” 

“I’m not. Everyone else is.” 

“Excuses, excuses,” Emmett chided, but eyed Jasper critically. Jasper did seem uncomfortable for some reason. “Need some air or are you good?” 

“Some air would be nice.”

“Okay, bro.” Emmett turned back to the moon jellies and did finger guns at them. “Rock on, you funky little cnidarians. I love you!” With that, they disappeared into the crowd faster than I would have thought. 

That was strange, but I hoped Jasper was okay. 

“My boyfriend’s kind of weird, isn’t he?” 

I jumped, not noticing Rosalie come up beside me. That was the second time that happened today. “Uh. Yeah, kind of.”

Rosalie smiled down at me. “He gets easily excited about things.” She gestured over her shoulder with her thumb. “I think your mom and Esme are in the gift shop. Want to go look?” 

“Sure.” 

We spent some time perusing the shop before leaving. Outside, Emmett and Jasper waited on a bench for us. Emmett was looking at something on his phone, while Jasper ate a pack of gummy worms.

“Are you okay?” I asked Jasper. 

He looked shocked and puzzled, like he didn’t know why I would be asking him that. “Yeah. I’m fine.” He handed me the gummy worms. “Want the rest? I’m all sugared out.” 

“Thanks.” They were the sour kind, which were my favorite. 

“Hey, Sydney,” Emmett said. “Why do seagulls fly over the sea?” 

I sighed. “Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels.” 

Emmett actually looked disappointed. “Dang.” 

“Womp womp,” Jasper said, smirking. 

“Shut up.” 

After the aquarium, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper said goodbye. Esme, Mom, and I spent the rest of the time touring around the city. I suggested we should go up the Space Needle just to tease Mom, knowing there was no way she would go after the Great Wheel. 

Mom narrowed her eyes at me playfully. “Very funny, peanut.” 

We did get our picture taken in front of it, however. 

By the time evening came, I was getting tired and we decided to head home. Esme had barely pulled onto the freeway before I fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then it's time for the angst...
> 
> Thank you for reading and reviewing! see you soon...


	12. Interlude - The Killer in the Crowd

_May_

**Forks, Washington 2011**

Mark sat in his car, watching another car come from the other end of the street and pull into the driveway of the house his wife and daughter were living in. 

It had been infuriating to come back from a business trip last October to find Sarah and Sydney had disappeared. How could Sarah destroy their family like that? At first, he waited. She had to come back. She had no one else and she was taking Sydney from everything she knew. He knew that Sarah would feel guilty about putting Sydney through that. 

But time went on and Sarah didn’t return and he started searching. Sarah did well to cover her tracks when she left. Far better than he expected. None of her friends and coworkers knew where she was and hadn't heard from her. For the last months, he’d been running into dead ends. 

The breakthrough came when he got a missed call from an unknown number from Forks. 

It could have belonged to anyone, but it kept bothering him. So he looked up Forks, a tiny town in the Olympic Peninsula he’d never heard of until then. From there, it wasn’t hard to find his wife. In fact, it was annoyingly easy. He didn’t know why it didn’t occur to him before then to check if she was going by her maiden name. Stupid of him. 

He watched Sarah, Sydney and another woman get out of the car. Sydney stumbled tiredly up to the front door, while the woman said something to Sarah that made her laugh. They filed inside, closing the door behind them. 

It was strange to watch. 

A voice in his head said that they were better off without him. 

Anger flashed through him like lightning. 

No. He wouldn’t accept that.

“Found you, Sarah.” 

Mark started the car and drove back to his hotel to rest and plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things just got real. Thanks for reading and commenting!


	13. Chapter 10

**Carlisle's POV**

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be heading home?" Sarah's voice brought me out of the chart I was finishing. She had her bag slung over her shoulder and keys in her hand. After spending a day in Seattle yesterday and coming back to a full shift, she seemed quite relieved to be off for the day.

I sighed. "I wish. I still have paperwork to finish."

"Oh, poor you," she teased.

"Hey, a little sympathy would be nice." Both of us liked interacting with patients much better than the paperwork surrounding it.

Sarah patted my arm. "I know, you want go back home to Esme." She winked. "I promise I won't keep her too long."

"Better not!" I called after her.

I smiled to myself as I turned back to the chart. I was glad to see her in good spirits, despite what she's been through lately.

Just as I finished the last of the paperwork, Amanda joined me at the station after finishing with a patient. "Oh, hey, did Sarah leave already?"

"Yeah, you just missed her. Why?"

"I was going to ask her if she wanted to come to that game night Josh and I are having." Amanda finally plucked up the courage to ask Josh out and they've been dating for almost a month now. "Do you think she would want to?"

"I imagine she would, since Esme and I will be there, but you'd have to ask her." Amanda already bombarded me earlier with an invitation and I couldn't refuse. It was a rare thing to be invited to something casual like this.

Forks really was something else. I never would have predicted this tiny town would have provided the friendships Esme and I developed. I thought we'd be constantly on the edge, not just because we were vampires. Towns this small tended to close ranks on newcomers.

On my way home, I stopped for gas. As I got out, another car pulled up to the pump opposite of mine.

The man was a stranger, someone I hadn't seen around town before. He had dark hair combed back, dark eyes, and wore a sport jacket and jeans. I briefly locked eyes with him and he nodded. I stilled, muscles ready to spring, mouth pooling with venom. It wasn't a reaction to the scent of his blood, but rather that of a predator recognizing another predator.

I turned and busied myself with getting gas. If one looked closely, my movements were awkward; I was trying hard to reign in my natural strength. I took a deep breath in attempt to get my vampire brain – as Emmett liked to call it – to calm down. I couldn't afford to reveal myself by attacking the stranger now.

Something was off about the man. I'd been around humans long enough to tell when someone was dangerous.

My mind went to Esme at Sarah and Sydney's house and then to Sarah's husband even though I didn't know what he looked like.

No, no. Forks may be small but not everything that happened revolved around my wife and her friends. The man could just as easily belong to someone else or be passing through.

The numbers on the gas pump seemed unbearably slow. I didn't like having the man out of my sight.

Our gas pumps finished nearly at the same time and I followed the man inside to pay. He didn't immediately go to the cashier to pay and headed over to the drink section. I ducked into the snack aisle and surreptitiously kept an eye on him. I grabbed a bag of hot Cheetos and Hostess cupcakes, snacks I knew that Josh and Amanda liked. When the man came back around with bottled water in hand, I lined up behind him. I took a deep breath, memorizing his scent, and I had to swallow back more venom.

He finished paying and I stepped forward, almost blocking his way. His eyes had a dangerous glint as frowned at me and I was sure mine did too. "Is there a problem?" he demanded.

Yes. "No." I pushed past him and flashed a friendly smile at the cashier. I recognized her as Jordan Noriega, the daughter of another doctor I worked with. She was in high school and seemed nervous at our little standoff. "Hey, Jordan. Are you almost done with school?"

I felt the man's eyes on me but then he left. I continued making small talk with Jordan and when I returned to my car, he was gone. There was no way to tell which way he went. I tossed the snacks into the passenger seat and hesitated before starting the car.

Part of me wanted to swing by Sarah's house, but I couldn't justify it. Logically, he could have been anyone.

But I couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't just anyone.

I was about halfway home when I stomped abruptly on the brakes and wheeled my car around to go back into town.

**Esme's POV**

Sydney was out front with Angela and Jessica. They had come over some time ago and I let them have some time together without an adult hovering over them. I heard them talk and laugh while I sat inside reading. It sounded like they were doing gymnastics things and Sydney was trying to teach Angela to do a backbend.

Angela let out a shriek.

"I've got you, you're not going to fall!" Sydney said. "Keep your arms locked by your head."

A body flopped down on the grass. "Okay, that was too scary. I'll just stick with cartwheels," Angela laughed.

I heard Sarah's car pull in the driveway and Sarah greet the girls. She came inside and, while she changed, I got tea started. It became our quiet ritual.

"Carlisle got held up with paperwork," Sarah told me when she came out and joined me at the table. "I promised him I wouldn't keep you long."

I smiled and waved a dismissive hand. "He'll live."

Sarah laughed and then eyed me holding my mug, enjoying the warmth. "It's okay, you don't have to pretend to drink it."

"What?" It was the only thing I could say.

Sarah lifted a brow, a silent challenge. "Sometimes you pretend eat and drink. I've seen Carlisle do the same."

"Oh." I set down my mug, unsure how to proceed. I've never had to deal with humans guessing at our secret even though I'd been waiting for it ever since I messed up while baking with Sydney. It was some consolation to know that it wasn't just me that Sarah caught.

"You don't have to tell me why," Sarah said with a wry smile. "It doesn't make a difference to me."

"It doesn't?" I asked, surprised.

Sarah shook her head. "We all have our quirks."

Quirks was a light way to put our being vampires trying to blend in with humans. "I suppose we all do." I lifted my mug. "Tea is good for keeping you company, though."

"Hey, I thought that was what I was here for," Sarah teased.

"Oh, yes, you too," I laughed, but worry still gnawed at me. Since Sydney never brought the baking incident up, Carlisle and I decided it was still okay for us to be here. But would this be the line in the sand?

Even though I knew it would have to happen eventually, I really did not want to leave. I desperately wished there was a way to keep Sarah and Sydney with me. I loved them both too much.

But I didn't have time to dwell on it.

Outside, I heard a car pull up by the house and then someone getting out.

"Sydney!"

It was an unfamiliar male voice, but I could instantly guess who it was.

Oh God.

"What is it?" Sarah asked, wide eyed. I must've said that out loud.

I went to the window and Sarah followed me. Outside, a man knelt before Sydney. Her face was blank with shock and Angela and Jessica stood off to the side, curious and nervous. He stood up and took her hand, leading her to the house.

Suddenly, it was like I was back at my cousin's house when Charles found me.

I felt Sarah stiffen with fear. "No," she moaned. " _No._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Mark, there is a problem. Carlisle knows you're sus. 
> 
> Thanks for the comments and kudos and bookmarks!


	14. Interlude - I've Been the Prey

**Milwaukee, Wisconsin 1920**

"Esme, you should eat."

Her cousin, Ruth, looked pointedly at Esme's untouched breakfast. Grimacing, Esme picked up her forks and ate, not really tasting the food. It had been a harrowing journey leaving Charles's house and getting up to Milwaukee. She kept turning to look over her shoulder the entire time on the train, certain that Charles would materialize. Even after the couple days she'd been here, she couldn't get herself to relax.

She knew she had to. She had been quite nauseated throughout her pregnancy so far and though she had been reassured that it would pass the further along she got, it hadn't. Her nerves made it even worse and she didn't think that was good for her or the baby.

She paused between bites of toast and eggs to take a sip of tea, willing her stomach to not rebel against her.

Ruth and her husband, John, had been understanding and welcomed her with open arms. They believed her about Charles. It was more than she expected after what happened with her parents.

"So, what are you planning to do?" Ruth asked.

"I don't know." Esme had been so focused on getting away that she hadn't planned much for the after.

She'd gotten so used to surviving each day as it came that any future seemed impossible.

There must have been some panic in her face because Ruth reached across the table to take her hand. "I don't mean that my hospitality is has an expiration date. You can stay here as long as you need to. I'm only asking if you've thought about your cover story and what you're going to do when your baby comes."

John came in from getting the newspaper and the door closing after him made Esme jump. Ruth squeezed her hand. "Everything is fine, Esme," she said.

When John joined them at the table, he caught Esme's expression. "Did I startle you? I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Esme breathed, heart still pounding in her ears.

She didn't want to think too long about how strange it was to have a man apologize to her.

"We were just discussing a possible cover story for Esme," Ruth said. "Do you have any ideas?"

John tapped his chin, looking thoughtful. "Perhaps the easiest cover would be to say that she's a widow."

Suddenly, there was loud, insistent knocking at the front door. Esme froze, her stomach knotting.

"Who on earth?" Ruth muttered as she followed John to see who it was. She immediately returned to the table, stricken, and Esme knew who it was.

"No," she whimpered.

"Shh." Ruth took her by the arm and hauled her into the kitchen. The back door was there and she could run if she needed to.

They listened to John open the door. "Mr. Evenson," he said mildly. "It's a surprise to see you here."

Charles snorted. "Don't give me that shit. I know Esme is here."

Even when he wasn't speaking directly to her, his voice still made Esme feel small and powerless. Her legs shook and she couldn't tell if she wanted to vomit or faint.

Maybe both.

"I'm not sure what gave you that idea, but I assure you that Esme is not here. My wife and I haven't seen her in a long time," John said, voice even.

"I _know_ my wife is here because a friend at home said she was running to your house. Now I'm here to take her back to where she belongs."

Underneath the terror, Esme felt a stab of betrayal that her friend Cecelia would reveal that she was running after helping her escape in the first place. Was everyone going to betray her eventually? Would Ruth and John as well?

"Your friend must be mistaken. She isn't here."

"Esme!" Charles shouted. "I know you're in there!"

Esme pressed a hand against her mouth to stifle a sob. Ruth tightened her grip around Esme's shoulders. "I've got you," Ruth whispered.

They heard John step out and shut the door behind him. His voice was muffled, but they still heard him say, "Mr. Evenson, I'm going to have to ask you to leave my property. Your wife isn't here and you're making a scene."

"I'm not fucking leaving until you give my wife back to me!"

"Do you want me to get the police involved?"

Silence fell and it felt like forever until John came back in the house. He came in the kitchen and stuck his head out the back door. "He's gone."

Ruth let out an enormous sigh of relief. "Thank God."

Esme broke out her cousin's hold and was sick into the sink. She wiped her mouth with a trembling hand. "He found me, I'm never going to be safe, he found me" she sobbed. Was this going to be her life now? Running, always the prey looking over her shoulder for the hunter?

Ruth and John exchanged sad glances and then Ruth escorted her upstairs to her room, tucking her back in bed to rest.

She spent another day at their house before they saw her off at the train station with some money and a letter to a contact in Ashland. As the train pulled out, she watched them disappear in the distance and then closed her eyes, feeling utterly alone.

Her baby kicked as if to remind her that she wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you hanging re last chapter's ending, but we'll get back to it next chapter. Thank you for reading, commenting, and giving kudos!


	15. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I interest you in Protective Esme and Carlisle?

**Esme's POV**

I shook my head and took a breath, willing myself to stay present. The flashback only took a few seconds, long enough for Mark and Sydney to come up to the door, but with danger here, I couldn't afford to lose any time.

Sarah watched them enter with tense shoulders and hands balled into fists. Her face was curiously blank of any of the emotion I saw seconds before. I moved closer to her and touched her elbow, reminding her that she wasn't alone.

Mark was taller and leaner than Charles, but the eyes were the same. He smiled but there was no warmth in it. "Sarah."

"Mark."

"We have a lot to talk about," he said.

"We do," Sarah agreed. Her eyes were on her terrified daughter. "But let Sydney go to her room. Not in front of her, like we agreed."

Mark's mouth thinned, but he nodded. He let go of Sydney's hand and gave her a gentle push forward. "Go on, Syd. I'll see you after."

My mouth went dry, thinking of how he hurt her.

"Mom?" Sydney whispered, reaching for Sarah's hand.

"Everything's fine, peanut. Just go to your room," Sarah told her. She made a valiant effort to smile reassuringly. Sydney glanced at me and I nodded. This was best. Get her out of harm's way.

Once Sydney closed her bedroom door behind her, Sarah turned to me. "Esme, you should go."

I knew she was trying to protect me too, but if I left, who would protect her? What kind of friend would I be? "No, I'm not leaving."

"This is a private family matter," Mark said. "I'm sure you understand."

I understood he wanted no witnesses. "I'm not leaving!" I snapped.

Mark clenched his jaw, eyes flashing with irritation, but he said, "Fine."

"You wanted to talk. So talk," Sarah said in a flat voice.

After a withering glance in my direction, Mark said to Sarah, "You put me through hell these last few months."

"I'm sure I did," Sarah said, faintly sarcastic.

"You're not even sorry? I came home to find you and Sydney gone with no warning and no way to find you. Do you have any idea how terrifying that is?"

It was a stark difference between him and my ex-husband. Charles was all blunt insults, not wasting time with mind games. Mark was silver-tongued, able to twist the truth to suit his own needs and that made him more dangerous.

For her part, Sarah didn't back down. "I did what I had to do."

"You didn't think you should try work it out before leaving me?"

Sarah shook her head. "I've tried for years. You are the one that wouldn't put in the work."

Mark spread his hands. "I'm here now." His face became suddenly pleading. "We can work it out. I don't want to lose you."

How strange that there was still an intimacy behind what they said to each other. I may have been able to empathize with Sarah but I still didn't fully know their relationship, only getting pieces of the years they've spent together. I hadn't had that with Charles, but then I hadn't really loved him to begin with.

Sarah loved Mark and he probably loved her too. She closed her eyes, as if to protect herself from being drawn back in. "That's not possible."

It's said that love covers a multitude of sins but maybe it shouldn't have to. Maybe love did have some boundaries.

"Why?" Mark asked, taking on a hurt and confused tone.

Sarah's eyes snapped open. "You know why. You know what you did." Her voice broke and I squeezed her arm. I knew exactly what she was referring to. There was no "working things out" after that.

Mark blinked and a muscle worked in his jaw. "Okay, you don't want to save our marriage. What about Sydney? You've taken her from everything she knows. I don't think that's fair to her."

I head Sydney's door crack open and I glanced back to see her peeking out. "Stay there," I mouthed at her.

"I couldn't leave her with you." Sarah's voice became hard. "You lied to me."

"About what?" Mark scoffed.

"You're the reason why she broke her arm two years ago. She didn't trip, you pushed her."

Mark let out a disbelieving laugh. "Are you crazy?" He looked at me. "Is this the type of stuff she's been telling you?" He turned back to Sarah, eyes narrowing. "And why is she in a cast now?"

"Don't you dare turn this back on me, you fucking bastard!"

That was when any restraint Mark had disappeared.

Everything seemed to slow down as he stepped forward, mouth twisted in a snarl. Sarah flinched back, automatically raising her arms to fend off whatever was coming. Panic seized me, shocking in its intensity, and I froze. For a split second, all I could see was Charles and I wanted to run.

But then a different memory came to mind. It was from my newborn vampire days when Carlisle got me to test out my new strength on boulders and fallen trees, even on himself. It had taken a lot of coaxing but eventually I shoved him, more out of frustration than anything else because I hadn't understood why he was making me do this.

"You're not powerless anymore," he'd said, looking up at me from where he was sprawled on the ground, golden eyes intense.

_You're not powerless._

With Carlisle's voice echoing in my head, I stepped between Mark and Sarah, grabbing his wrist and pushing him back several feet.

I barely restrained a growl in my throat. His scent was all around me and I couldn't help but notice where his carotid pulsed in his neck.

No. I couldn't think about that.

There was such incredulity in Mark's eyes – and an undercurrent of fear – that I could practically read his mind. How could a woman smaller than him be that strong? He pulled against my stone grip but he couldn't break it. "Let go," he said in a low voice.

I remembered how many times I said that to Charles, for all the good it did me, and I was surprised to feel immense satisfaction that the roles were now reversed. "Don't touch her," I warned.

"Let go!" he yelled. At the same time, I heard a car door slam outside and footsteps rush up to the door.

Carlisle knocked and came inside and relief washed through me. I don't know how my husband knew to come here but I was immensely grateful for his impeccable timing.

Carlisle's eyes darkened when he saw me still holding back Mark. "Is everything okay here?" he asked in a calm voice that belied his fury.

I released Mark and he stopped himself from cradling his wrist. I didn't hear a bone crack so he'd probably be fine. "Who the fuck are you?" he demanded, recognition in his voice. I wondered where they crossed paths.

"I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I work with Sarah at the hospital and Esme is my wife."

"I'm – "

"I know who you are." Carlisle's voice was the deadliest I've heard it. "I know what you've done and you're not welcome here."

Mark shook his head and let out another disbelieving laugh. He turned back to Sarah, who had her hands over her mouth and was visibly shaking. "You finally have the perfect audience to believe your bullshit, don't you?" he sneered. Sarah paled.

"You need to leave. Now," Carlisle said, slightly raising his voice. He pointed out of the open doorway.

"Fine." Mark paused in the door, smiling without humor. "I still know where to find you, Sarah."

While Carlisle watched him get in his car and drive away, Sarah bolted for the bathroom. I heard her be sick into the toilet and I made to follow her but stopped when I saw Sydney. She stood frozen outside her door, wide eyes going between me and the bathroom.

I tried a smile, though it felt brittle. "It's okay, Sydney. He's gone." I reached my hand out to her and she immediately went into my arms. I held her close and listened to Sarah stifle a sob in the bathroom.

I didn't know how to comfort them both at the same time.

As if he sensed my dilemma, Carlisle said, "Hey, Sydney, why don't you come sit with me while Esme checks on your mom?" He smiled and it was more genuine than the one I could manage. Any trace of the anger when Mark was here had vanished.

Sydney peeked up at me, surprisingly dry-eyed, and then at Carlisle, hesitant. "Go on, sweetheart," I coaxed. She reluctantly let go of me and went to Carlisle.

I took a steadying breath and knocked before entering the bathroom. Sarah sat on the floor, leaning against the bathtub with her head in her hands. "Hey," I murmured, sitting next to her and putting an arm around her shoulders.

Sarah sniffed and lifted her head. "This is my fault. I'm so stupid."

"What do you mean?"

"You said not to call him." I remembered that night and shock curled in my stomach. Sarah stared at the tile, not meeting my eyes, and tears poured down her cheeks. "It was a mistake. I was still so angry and I kept staring at his number and I pressed the wrong button."

It took me a moment before I could find the right thing to say. All could think was what I had told her – that calling him would lead exactly to this. I knew it was horribly unfair, I just wished she'd listened to me. But perhaps I was naïve to think that me taking her phone for that one evening would be the end of the issue. "Sarah, don't," I said finally, squeezing her shoulder. "Blaming yourself isn't going to help."

Sarah shook her head. "There isn't anyone else to blame. Now that he knows where to find us, he's not going to give up."

"Listen to me," I said, hoping to snap her out of whatever spiraling thoughts were in her head. "Carlisle and I are your family now. You aren't in this alone. You and Sydney are going to stay with us tonight and then we'll deal with the rest in the morning."

"I don't deserve that."

I pulled her closer to me and let her cry into shoulder. "Shh. Of course you do."

When we emerged, we found Sydney curled into Carlisle's side and drinking a juice box he must have gotten her. He had a faintly bemused expression like he couldn't believe Sydney would want to cuddle up to him.

"Mommy?" Sydney said in a small voice.

Sarah went to her and Sydney threw herself into her mother's arms. It was then that Sydney finally started to cry. While Sarah comforted her and told her the plan of staying at our house, Carlisle came up to me. I could see in his eyes he wanted to talk to me, make sure that I was okay, but that would have to wait until later. For now, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my head.

As Sarah and Sydney packed for an overnight stay, Carlisle said, "I texted Emmett. He, Rose, and Jasper are going to make sure that Mark isn't hanging around." At my skeptical eyebrow raise, he added, "Don't worry. I told them not to engage. They're merely keeping watch."

I nodded. "Okay. Good thinking." I didn't want to keep worrying about Mark tonight.

"We're ready," Sarah said. She and Sydney reappeared hand in hand with bags over their shoulders. I recognized the resignation on both of their faces and it hurt to think they were fleeing home a second time. Like I had to do.

But it hopefully wouldn't be permanent. They would return. This time would be different. "Let's go," I said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this point, the story does get quite a bit angstier. I just want to bring your attention back to the fact that this fic will deal with suicide. Though I do not plan for it to be graphic, if that's something you can't read, no hard feelings. Take care of yourself. Thank you for reading and commenting this far!

**Author's Note:**

> A few things to know:  
> \- Canon events in the books don't happen at all  
> \- Bella and Charlie aren't related and Bella is already a vampire  
> \- Carlisle is aged up to being physically 30  
> \- Some vampire physiology is different, such as they don't sparkle  
> \- The Quileutes aren't wolves


End file.
